GotPoetry.com >

GotPoetry?

Events

News

Poems

Poetry Venues

Submit News

Inside

Downloads

Exquisite Corpse

Games

Got Pictures?

Movies

Page Slam

Radio

Community

Blogs

Clubs

Staff List

Subscriptions

Supporters

Forums

Poetry Workshops

Marketplace

Book Store

Clothing

Karma

Product

Reference

Encyclopedia

Links

Rhyming Dictionary

Searches

Top 10

Wiki

Communication

Help Desk

User Info

Welcome Anonymous

Membership:

Latest: bikhilall

New Today: 0

New Yesterday: 0

Overall: 16641

People Online:

Members: 2

Visitors: 56

Bots: 3

Staff: 1

Staff Online:
01: Ozymandias

Paid Membership

Buy a paid membership and get more out of GotPoetry!

Advertise on the GotPoetry Advertising Network.

Survey

I like online surveys

Blogs

My first Entry ( 309 reads)	Wednesday, June 27, 2012 (08:15:00)
idilchek's Blogs

Here's another night where I'm lonely for the one I thought I loved. I have suspicions that she's gone on a trip with another man. He's not one she loves, but he has the money to take her places. She said she loved me. I didn't ever really believe her. I think she liked me around because I adored her. It took me too long to say "no more." Yes, you can read this and believe I was a chump for letting her into my heart. For a while, she saw me as sexy, smart, strong. But she never wanted that intimate relationship. The sex left our bodies shuddering through the night together... and most mornings. We did what lovers do. Laughed at our in jokes, exposed our weaknesses, drank wine, tasted new foods, watched movies in each other's arms. But the truth that I put off seeing, was that she didn't want this for too long. She wanted different. And when I stopped being that, she was done. She told me we'd never be a couple. And that, for some reason, was the statement that made me realize it was time for her not to be in my life. Well... that and she was going away with this other guy that she didn't love... but she still loved me. Tonight... I'm not lonely for her. I'm lonely for the relationship I wished we had. Now that I have my heart back... almost ... I think I'll keep it for a while. You put this into words and it all is clear what needs to be done: Move on. But the heart doesn't think in black and white. The heart thinks in a fury that spans the spectrum. If I'm going to be blue, it will be a royal blue. I do wonder... will I ever make a true connection with a woman again? Twenty years of marriage, then a betrayal, then a bent love. Alone doesn't sound great, but right now it hurts less than trying this again. Sleep, eat, sing, meditate, run, ride my bike, eat... enjoy the company of my daughter. Enjoy the challenges of my work. Write. I have enough in my life without her. And not enough with her. The answers are so obvious when you write it down.

Main | Comments (4) | idilchek's Profile

"My first Entry" | Login/Create an Account | 4 Comments

The comments are owned by the poster. We aren't responsible for their content.

Re: My first Entry (Score: 1 )
by deepali on Wednesday, June 27, 2012 (09:50:22)

Hope you're feeling better after writing this blog. What do i do, to put a smile back to your face, read Ozy's, "write the worst poem ever" topic under "poetry discussion" in the forum. Smile

though i know, every attempt not to think about pain will take you closer to it. No harm trying....

"Pain is strange. A cat killing a bird, a car accident, a fire.... Pain arrives, BANG, and there it is, it sits on you. It's real. And to anybody watching, you look foolish. Like you've suddenly become an idiot. There's no cure for it unless you know somebody who understands how you feel, and knows how to help."
— Charles Bukowski

warm wishes,
your new friend,
D.

| Parent

Re: My first Entry (Score: 1 )
by sweetsmilingangel on Monday, July 02, 2012 (02:49:00)

I hear ya...but to laugh sadness out, let's watch comedy movie together if that would be okay with you?

| Parent

Re: My first Entry by idilchek on Monday, July 02
- Re: My first Entry by sweetsmilingangel on Monday, July 02