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ytserresty
Has written an Occasional poem or two.
Joined: Jun 13, 2007
Posts: 625
Credits: 94
Location: Philippines
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 Posted: Mon Mar 3 2:34:41 EST 2008 Post subject: Drunk Driving |
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I can't move my hands
my eyes are in a blur,
I can't move my feet.
I tried to reach you
as we both are
under the wreckage of
our car...
but... I...
can't... move...
sorry I had
to drive while
drunk.
_________________
"Oculos ejus dinumera,
sed noli voltum adspicere..."
Last edited by ytserresty on Sat Apr 5 8:37:11 EDT 2008; edited 1 time in total |
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mamta
Joined: Jul 07, 2006
Posts: 8354
Credits: 501
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| Posted: Wed Mar 5 5:51:40 EST 2008 Post subject: Re: Drunk Driving |
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| ytserresty wrote: |
I can't move my hands
my eyes are in a blur,
I can't move my feet.
I tried to reach you
as we both are
under the wreckage of
our car...
but... I...
can't... move...
I'm sorry I had
to drive while
I'm drunk. |
this one is ok, resty. |
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ytserresty
Has written an Occasional poem or two.
Joined: Jun 13, 2007
Posts: 625
Credits: 94
Location: Philippines
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| Posted: Wed Mar 5 19:29:37 EST 2008 Post subject: Re: Drunk Driving |
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thanks...
_________________
"Oculos ejus dinumera,
sed noli voltum adspicere..." |
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madpoet
Galileo is laughing at you from on high
Joined: Oct 20, 2005
Posts: 857
Credits: 0
Location: ALLOVER
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21 10:46:07 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: Drunk Driving |
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Thanks for sharing..that's refreshing
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Lewtoo
Conversationalist
Joined: Dec 29, 2007
Posts: 74
Credits: 0
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| Posted: Thu Apr 3 20:16:18 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: Drunk Driving |
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| ytserresty wrote: |
I can't move my hands
my eyes are in a blur,
I can't move my feet.
I tried to reach you
as we both are
under the wreckage of
our car...
but... I...
can't... move...
I'm sorry I had
to drive while
I'm drunk. |
I may never understand you/
Just wondering if this story is true/
Very interesting, Lew |
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Deleted_User_1997
The first hundred years are the hardest
   
Joined: Jul 09, 2006
Posts: 4819
Credits: 568
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| Posted: Thu Apr 3 21:07:58 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: Drunk Driving |
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resty,
try leaving out "I'm" in the last line. this is why. you write "sorry i had (past tense)..while i'm (present tense) drunk."
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ytserresty
Has written an Occasional poem or two.
Joined: Jun 13, 2007
Posts: 625
Credits: 94
Location: Philippines
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| Posted: Sat Apr 5 8:38:15 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: Drunk Driving |
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mayo: thanks for the comments, I'm just not sure I got the last line correctly LOL anyways... it's always been a good thing to hear any coments form you.
take care always
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"Oculos ejus dinumera,
sed noli voltum adspicere..." |
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meign_arche
Knows how to edit
Joined: Feb 24, 2008
Posts: 120
Credits: 24
Location: PH
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17 5:20:25 EDT 2008 Post subject: Re: Drunk Driving |
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oh. so you drink. lol.
the last lines didn't seem to strike an impression that much. well, it's just me.
but anyways, nice poem.^^,
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don't waste INK! ^^, |
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