It has not been too long, years
since I was overwhelmed with jealousy
I thought I had it buried
where all desires go to die.

Who is able to love quietly,
silent hands and peacefully,
without being wrapped in stealth
helpless to sleep, or at least, rest?


I Silently yell those questions
that not even the echo wants to hear;
maybe you want to listen to
or maybe they get lost among the stars.

As I don’t receive an answer
or know of your whereabouts,
my soul departs willing
to look for you in the estuaries,
prairies, woods, wherever.

Not knowing what you are doing
gives me this mild grief
trapping me in that insomnia
where I can’t control my jealousy

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
ORIGINA VERSION IN SPANISH

No ha sido mucho tiempo, años,
que no me ganaban los celos
creí que los había dejado enterrados
ahí donde mueren los deseos

quién pudiera saber amar tranquilo
manos calladas y en paz
sin tener que estar envuelto de sigilo
sin poder dormir, o al menos, descansar

Gritando en silencio esas preguntas
que ni el eco quiere saber de ellas,
tal vez tu si las escuchas
o quizá se pierden en las estrellas.

Y al no recibir respuesta
o conocer de tu paradero
se aleja mi alma dispuesta
a buscarte en los esteros,
praderas, bosques, o adonde sea

No saber que haces me llena de duelo
me atrapa de desvelos
y no puedo controlar mis celos.

I think you should consider present progressive again with this one: Not knowing what you are doing.
The first line: to vs. too. And I can't tell if you meant that again the third stanza.
Using a question is very intentional. And when it is the only one, it stands out. Can you give some insight about that choice here?
I love the references to looking for this person in nature.

Thanks Rio the verb tense is changed and this:


Who is able to love quietly,
silent hands and peacefully,
without been wrapped in stealth
helpless to sleep, or at least, rest?

Is there any person who could love quietly if he-she had the same passion that the voice has?

zhaul wrote:

Thanks mayo the verb tense is changed and this: Who is able to love quietly, silent hands and peacefully, without been wrapped in stealth helpless to sleep, or at least, rest? Is there any person who could love quietly if he-she had the same passion that the voice has?

not mayo

i think that you mean "being" not "been"

Mayo wrote:

zhaul wrote: Thanks mayo the verb tense is changed and this: Who is able to love quietly, silent hands and peacefully, without been wrapped in stealth helpless to sleep, or at least, rest? Is there any person who could love quietly if he-she had the same passion that the voice has? not mayo i think that you mean "being" not "been"

Sorry about that, My brain gets so constipated some times, I ... I ... I...
forgot where I was... ah oh, yes, thanks so much for reading, changed the thanks to Rio, and thanks to you for pointing out this mistake, Should I go back to grammar school?

Not knowing what you are doing
gives me this mild grief
trapping me in that insomnia
where I can’t control my jealousy


Just a thought, I would change mild grief to wild grief.

Mild sounds too tame for the rest of what you are saying. Wild is more unpredictable.

Reb-

Rebel_Darlin wrote:

Not knowing what you are doing gives me this mild grief trapping me in that insomnia where I can’t control my jealousy Just a thought, I would change mild grief to wild grief. Mild sounds too tame for the rest of what you are saying. Wild is more unpredictable. Reb-

Yes is a good thought, and depending on the point of view, but would you agree that nostalgia is a mild grief? Nostalgia is like latent sadness. That's how I see it,. What do you think.

just to add the definition of nostalgia:

nos·tal·gi·a
1. A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.
2. The condition of being homesick; homesickness.

I wish I could read and understand Spanish. I have a feeling that Spanish poetry and English poetry have very different meanings that get "lost in translation" and I can't help but feel shafted.

Ash wrote:

I wish I could read and understand Spanish. I have a feeling that Spanish poetry and English poetry have very different meanings that get "lost in translation" and I can't help but feel shafted.

You are so right about that, when I see a movie in english with Spanish subtitles I can see the differences in conceptualization. And as good as I would want the translation to be, it will never be the same.

It has passed sometime since I wrote this, I wanted to give it another shot
Edit 3

It has not been that long, only years
since I was overwhelmed with jealousy
I thought I had it buried
where all desires go to die.

Who could love quietly,
with still peaceful hands,
without being wrapped in stealth
helpless to sleep, or at least, rest?

I Silently yell those questions
that not even the echo wants to hear;
maybe you will listen...no answer

Not knowing your whereabouts,
my soul departs to search
in the estuaries, prairies,
woods, wherever.

Not knowing what you are doing
gives me this mild grief
trapping me in that insomnia
where I can’t control my jealousy

Oh wow. This is good. I enjoy your work a great deal. Maybe I can get a few tips from you?

Superchick wrote:

Oh wow. This is good. I enjoy your work a great deal. Maybe I can get a few tips from you?

Sure thing, pm me when you have posted a poem for workshopping, I will be glad to give my opinion.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Edit 5

It has not been that long, only years
since I was overwhelmed with jealousy
I thought I had it buried
where all dead desires are.

If only I could yearn quietly,
with still peaceful hands,
without being wrapped in stealth
helpless to sleep, or at least, rest--

I Silently yell those questions
that not even the echo wants to hear;
maybe you will listen... I hear no answer

Not knowing your whereabouts,
my soul departs to search
in the estuaries, prairies,
woods, wherever.

Not knowing what you are doing
gives me this mild grief,
trapping me in that insomnia
where I can’t control my jealousy.

I rspect this poem very much.

abdo11 wrote:

I rspect this poem very much.

thanks for the comment

I like all versions and enjoyed the deepness

Ilan wrote:

I like all versions and enjoyed the deepness

thanks

Overall an excellent poem. The last line seems a bit flat and prosaic in comparison with the fine poetic phrases that precede it.

Ozymandias wrote:

Overall an excellent poem. The last line seems a bit flat and prosaic in comparison with the fine poetic phrases that precede it.

Thanks friend, any sugestions for those lines?

zhaul wrote:

Ozymandias wrote: Overall an excellent poem. The last line seems a bit flat and prosaic in comparison with the fine poetic phrases that precede it. Thanks friend, any sugestions for those lines?

I don't like the idea of trying to rewrite somebody else's poem, since after all you are the one who knows exactly what you had in mind, but if it were my poem I think I might write

"where jealousy outruns my flagging pace"

or something of that nature.

Ozymandias wrote:

zhaul wrote: Ozymandias wrote: Overall an excellent poem. The last line seems a bit flat and prosaic in comparison with the fine poetic phrases that precede it. Thanks friend, any sugestions for those lines? I don't like the idea of trying to rewrite somebody else's poem, since after all you are the one who knows exactly what you had in mind, but if it were my poem I think I might write "where jealousy outruns my flagging pace" or something of that nature.

It is a a good ida I see now what you meant, I will give it a thought.

Thanks again

Edit 6

It has not been that long, only years
since I was overwhelmed with jealousy
I thought I had it buried
where all dead desires are.

If only I could yearn quietly,
with still peaceful hands,
without being wrapped in stealth
helpless to sleep, or at least, rest--

I Silently yell those questions
that not even the echo wants to hear;
maybe you will listen... I hear no answer

Not knowing your whereabouts,
my soul departs to search
in the estuaries, prairies,
woods, wherever.

Not knowing what you are doing
gives me this wild grief,
trapping me in that insomnia
where jealousy binds to a phantom.

nice edit Saul,

anna9 wrote:

nice edit Saul,

thanks

I enjoyed reading your many edits of this poem. I think as long as someone can feel how deep a poem is and feel something about it, than you have accomplished your writing
I think there are a lot of people out there who could relate to this. I for one can. It's interesting that jealousy comes out when we least expect it.
Thanks for the write