
Judge this Poem

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Forums > > Poetry Workshops > > Broken Fingers > > "What?" "Shut up!"
"What?" "Shut up!"
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T.E.D Has the Poetry Bug


Joined: Aug 27, 2009 Posts: 42 Credits: 4 Location: Where the world ends

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Posted: Thu Sep 3 6:23:34 EDT 2009 Post subject: "What?" "Shut up!" |
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The great ones are
whispering in my ear,
"What do you want?"
"What do I want?"
"Go, find it. No, stay awhile,
no, alive. Wait, the night
wants to sing to you. No,
go, the dawn welcomes you."
The man over the hill
Has enormous power.
He can smolder mountains
And bring calm and peace.
In pieces we sleep,
Dreams make sense in other dreams.
"Stop!"
"What, what did I do?"
"Shut up!"
"Why, what happened to you?"
"Sit, sing, work,
dance, laugh, cry, clap!"
"No, no, I can't. I
want to live."
"Shut up!"
Silence encumbers the
purple night.
"Where have you been?"
"To the planet of the thorns."
"Tell the truth."
"What's a truth?"
Smack, the cheeks turn blue,
the lips are engorged.
The believer only sees what he wants to believe in
"No, no. You are wrong,
believe what you see."
"No, I will believe what
I want to."
The head smashes against
a rock. The rock crumbles.
A light shines in the
Bloody scar. Soaring with
Pain and encompassed
in loss of glory and self.
"You will die!"
"But, the rock crumbled?"
"What are you?"
"Who are you?"
"Shut up!"
Mistakes pile upon success.
Success is one step behind life.
Death is a step ahead.
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induce Beauty's but the beginning of terror


  
Joined: May 25, 2007 Posts: 3946 Credits: 40

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Posted: Thu Sep 3 9:35:22 EDT 2009 Post subject: Re: "What?" "Shut up!" |
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T.E.D, 'In pieces we sleep,
Dreams make sense in other dreams.' ~ i like style, that line is spun out. Funny thing...I write a bit of Broken Fingers myself and one of my 'secret terms' which I use off and on is 'TED' in capitals. Nice to see you . induce
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T.E.D Has the Poetry Bug


Joined: Aug 27, 2009 Posts: 42 Credits: 4 Location: Where the world ends

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Posted: Fri Sep 4 12:28:19 EDT 2009 Post subject: Re: "What?" "Shut up!" |
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Thanks for the comment, induce. I'm glad you liked it.
-T.E.D
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induce Beauty's but the beginning of terror


  
Joined: May 25, 2007 Posts: 3946 Credits: 40

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Posted: Tue Sep 8 3:03:22 EDT 2009 Post subject: Re: "What?" "Shut up!" |
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I dig your title too, it's different!
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Beauty_In_Pain Knows how to edit


Joined: Jul 21, 2009 Posts: 118 Credits: 8 Location: Online

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Posted: Tue Nov 3 11:00:49 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: "What?" "Shut up!" |
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I loved your poem! Very unique. I enjoyed it a great deal!
_________________ "The mind is it's own place, and in it one can make a hell of heaven or a heaven of hell'' |
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T.E.D Has the Poetry Bug


Joined: Aug 27, 2009 Posts: 42 Credits: 4 Location: Where the world ends

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Posted: Tue Nov 3 11:53:36 EST 2009 Post subject: Re: "What?" "Shut up!" |
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Thank you,
I'm very glad you liked it.
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