Autumn Images

Lush autumn roadsides
verdant vines and straggling weeds
stretch greedily toward the sun.

Seeking ants
scurry crumbs to the hoard
harvesters store root and grain against the cold.

Hurry, hurry to and fro;
Accumulate, be ready for lack
Grasp while you can.

Hunger drives
Bearing onward open mouths gulping,
Hands reaching, seeking more.

Travel the autumn roads slowly
Beauty fills the eye
Satisfying need and hunger for a while.

im not a fan of first line capitalisation, if find it gimmicky and distracting, but that just my personal preference.

i found your imagery well expressed and distinct and original. i just wonder if you can stretch your mind just a little more to invest towards little more gripping wordage in some places.

i loved the read. it made me feel good. i think its good to post and a good writ whether you agree with my inputs or not.

well done.

it's a nice seasonal poem, but why is it here in the broken fingers? what am i missing?

Dear Wylde, the caps in the first lines are not what I intended. Perhaps I put it up too late at night or perhaps I missed something. I did not intend them to be there. Thanks for noticing and letting me know. Thanks too for your comment. Warm Wishes, Tasha

PS, Wylde, Can you give me an example of what you mean by more gripping wordage? I love learning more!!! No problem with anything anyone says, I don't take things personally, so please let me know. Thanks.

Bogeyman, Perhaps my poem is not radical enough for your definition of broken fingers, in which case I apologize. Personally I thought it was fairly abstract by comparison with what I usually write, so perhaps it's a matter of degree. I apologize for the first line caps, my computer betrayed me by putting them in after I had corrected them back to my intended small letters. Does that make a difference? Tasha

Pujakins wrote:

PS, Wylde, Can you give me an example of what you mean by more gripping wordage? I love learning more!!! No problem with anything anyone says, I don't take things personally, so please let me know. Thanks.

hmmm...

"Seeking ants" L1 stanza 2...a more intense word or image could be perhaps be "Scavenging ants"...

"Hands reaching" L3 stanza 4 - could perhaps be upped in intensity with Hands pleading"...


that kind of thing...also the repeat of the word "seeking" could be eliminated entirely by simply using the word "wanting" in the repeat?

to me this kind of thing would increase the calibre of your word amunition in conveying your imagery perhaps?


write on!