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Forums > > Poetry Workshops > > Broken Fingers > > jack came back
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jack came back


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wylde
Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs


Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs
Poem of the Month/April 2011Staff Picks/April 2011Poet of the Month/April 2011Poet of the Month/June 2011Poem of the Month/June 2011Staff Picks/November 2011Staff Picks/July 2013Staff Picks/March 2014


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Location: between my ears. all.ways

PostPosted: Thu Sep 30 3:22:30 EDT 2010    Post subject: jack came back Reply with quote

.


flesh of bromide and silver chloride
develop a cross negative
of brimstone and ash

phoenix beaks crucible
flutter crucifixes broken

on a toll of bells
x changes the curve
ajar

dante and inferno
modulate parallels
spacey and wave
kelvinate
with general electric
and major consequence
@ absolut zero

gorky parks while red onion
towers spindle blue squares
to a reign of stars
umbrella'd neath
pin-pricks on ho chi mins
chinny chin chin

jack came back

a swerve of fields holds my finger
lightly tightly
in an embrace of tears

an entranced dance
to a metronome rhythm
a singular force de jeur

and the world exhales
as one
in my ear looking
out

to an out stroked hand

.

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anna9
Moonwalked into a whiter shade of pale


Moonwalked into a whiter shade of pale



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PostPosted: Tue Oct 5 14:56:31 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote

hi W,

lot of interesting writing therein,

i like :
the ear that sees
a swerve of fields that hold the finger
the play on thw words in the "gorky parks " , stanz
and i am still picturing the crucible of the phoenix beak , all of these images flooding my mind in a Dali moment, will be back later for a proper comment,
thanks for the original read , it was super fun , the first read time,
but for now let it marinate,

regards
ann

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wylde
Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs


Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs
Poem of the Month/April 2011Staff Picks/April 2011Poet of the Month/April 2011Poet of the Month/June 2011Poem of the Month/June 2011Staff Picks/November 2011Staff Picks/July 2013Staff Picks/March 2014


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 6 8:53:21 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote

warmest & sincere thanks for the read and comments ann. sometimes my intent is not within the words themselves but the plosive sounds of words combined with the images to evoke and transfer an emote and trigger impulses within the reader or listener. but im sure you already understand such Smile

marinate; stew and simmer it is. tender and delicious is the intended delivery and serving heh

tks!

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Deleted_User_6308
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 7 23:03:53 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote

insert breath where?

rivetting ........................ pin-pricks on ho chi mins--apostrophe?


if performed I would start with jaxk came back and use it as a timely refrain throughout................

say hi to Captain for me.....................
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wylde
Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs


Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs
Poem of the Month/April 2011Staff Picks/April 2011Poet of the Month/April 2011Poet of the Month/June 2011Poem of the Month/June 2011Staff Picks/November 2011Staff Picks/July 2013Staff Picks/March 2014


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 8 6:51:14 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote

normally i take an internal breath after each stanza when reading silently in my mind; and on occasions when reading to an audience i tend to be similarly guided.

as for the apostrophe - i also always tend to be more then zen with capitalisation and punctuation, in my writs - hoping for the word; sentence and line structure to effectively and efficiently deliver the intent - with minimal intrusions.

i truly like your suggestion starting with - jack came back - and use it as a timely refrain throughout. thank you! i will definitely use it in the re-write which is still simmering.

captain salutes you - bringing you his salutations! heh




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PostPosted: Fri Oct 8 9:14:01 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote

spasibo!!
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Deleted_User_5129
Galileo is laughing at you from on high


Galileo is laughing at you from on high
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 17 13:25:09 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote

hey wild , are you trotting the world or what ?
i see sunrises and sunsets, the onion domes of Russia or Vienna, the chin up of China and if this poem hides politic , i am missing it , if it has physical science for cues , then i am a dunce,
actually i don't much understand it.
Say can you explain the poem for me , please Mister Wild ?
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wylde
Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs


Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs
Poem of the Month/April 2011Staff Picks/April 2011Poet of the Month/April 2011Poet of the Month/June 2011Poem of the Month/June 2011Staff Picks/November 2011Staff Picks/July 2013Staff Picks/March 2014


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 18 2:52:17 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote

alana: probably best described as the whisperscream given by the force of two parallel lines intersecting. while held next to the reflection of a jackson pollock painting upslide (sic)-down.
my only other explanation. or excuse, may be found here:


www.gotpoetry.com/Your...11158.html


ps there is quite a bit of politic, indirectly.




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wylde
Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs


Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs
Poem of the Month/April 2011Staff Picks/April 2011Poet of the Month/April 2011Poet of the Month/June 2011Poem of the Month/June 2011Staff Picks/November 2011Staff Picks/July 2013Staff Picks/March 2014


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 18 4:45:06 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote

.

jack came back

flesh of bromide and silver chloride
develop a cross negative
of brimstone and ash

phoenix beaks crucible
flutter crucifixes broken

on a toll of bells
x changes the curve
ajar

jack came back

dante and inferno
modulate parallels
spacey and wave
kelvinate
with general electric
and major consequence
@ absolut zero

gorky parks while red onion
towers spindle blue squares
to a reign of stars
umbrella'd neath
pin-pricks on ho chi mins
chinny chin chin

jack came back

a swerve of fields holds my finger
lightly tightly
in an embrace of tears

an entranced dance
to a metronome rhythm
a singular force de jeur

and the world exhales
as one
in my ear looking
out

to an out stroked hand

jack came back

.




....goes off contemplating...

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judih
Has written an Occasional poem or two.


Has written an Occasional poem or two.
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Location: kibbutz, western negev

PostPosted: Mon Oct 18 6:44:23 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote

this is good. would love to hear it.
and of course the citrus eyeball for atmosphere lends its own flavour.
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anna9
Moonwalked into a whiter shade of pale


Moonwalked into a whiter shade of pale



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PostPosted: Mon Oct 18 11:53:40 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote

hmmmm, i think , i kind of adore alana , sometimes, like once in a billion after blue moons Wink

did you say politic ? now where is the darn lens ? hmmmm, sits still pondering /confused

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wylde
Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs


Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 19 4:35:41 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote

judih - thanks. my long term project of producing vocal renditions of my stuff continues; and you will be amongst the first to hear.


anna9 - dont scrutinise too hard, but within are some major (sic) military figures, like general electric. cold & warmish wars. the vietcongs ho chi min. or at least his beard or chinny chin. the world inhaling/exhaling to the accompaniment of jack. onasis present by his absence. and me and you. watching paradigm shifts of power.



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anna9
Moonwalked into a whiter shade of pale


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24 12:32:39 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote

ahem !

*goes off shaking her head and laughing *

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wylde
Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs


Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs
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Location: between my ears. all.ways

PostPosted: Mon Oct 25 3:32:26 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote


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induce
Who knew we would get this far?


Who knew we would get this far?
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 26 2:06:44 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote

Jack will always comeback, well versed in the now and later.
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judih
Has written an Occasional poem or two.


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Staff Picks/January 2011


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 26 7:10:40 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote

did i hear 'spoken'?
one can only begin to fathom how the sounds will play with the images
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wylde
Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs


Starved and screamed and ate mad dogs
Poem of the Month/April 2011Staff Picks/April 2011Poet of the Month/April 2011Poet of the Month/June 2011Poem of the Month/June 2011Staff Picks/November 2011Staff Picks/July 2013Staff Picks/March 2014


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 27 4:24:20 EDT 2010    Post subject: Re: jack came back Reply with quote

induce - always appreciate your "seeing"

judih - mostly s l o w l y while well mouthing the words from the drum of my stomach upon the canvas of my performing eyes...



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