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Deleted_User_6308
Who knew we would get this far?
 
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 Posted: Sat Feb 5 16:37:13 EST 2011 Post subject: the line of fire |
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What lies we spun,
such unwise fun;
free will by the rising sun -
randomly surprising us,
filling our starstruck eyes
with wonderment;
but to ominous night,
a kind reminder of blindness,
promised by naked sky.
.
Last edited by Deleted_User_6308 on Sun Feb 6 21:03:41 EST 2011; edited 1 time in total |
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butterflyzrfree
Told love the world was on fire
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| Posted: Sun Feb 6 11:13:26 EST 2011 Post subject: Re: new |
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Love love love it!!!!
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Deleted_User_6308
Who knew we would get this far?
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| Posted: Sun Feb 6 21:01:57 EST 2011 Post subject: Re: new |
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thankthankthanku
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wylde
And for a moment, it was like joy was
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Location: between my ears. all.ways
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| Posted: Mon Feb 7 7:35:18 EST 2011 Post subject: Re: the line of fire |
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where the truth lies.
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interviewing wylde
and did you exchange a walk on part in the war
for a lead role in a cage
~pink floyd~ |
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Deleted_User_6308
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| Posted: Mon Feb 7 15:30:41 EST 2011 Post subject: Re: the line of fire |
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I lie solemnl
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Huberjack
Told love the world was on fire
    
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| Posted: Thu Feb 10 17:51:24 EST 2011 Post subject: Re: the line of fire |
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I like the poem, but wonder why the on and off rhyming... I think I would suggest not rhyming in S1.
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Jack Huber
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down. --Robert Frost (1874-1963) |
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Bogeyman
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| Posted: Fri Feb 11 0:58:11 EST 2011 Post subject: Re: the line of fire |
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i like the idea of this, but struggle to connect the first too lines with the rest of the poem. love the childish innocence of S2 and a threat of empty sky blindness in S3. is this all a lie? if it is, your cynicism will soon match mine )))
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Deleted_User_6308
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| Posted: Mon Feb 14 22:58:46 EST 2011 Post subject: Re: the line of fire |
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thanks--"lies we spun"---------
innonence.........so , a retrospective lie,,, , comrade
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Bogeyman
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| Posted: Mon Feb 14 23:08:44 EST 2011 Post subject: Re: the line of fire |
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sometimes you fall off my horizon, which is not a bad thing ))
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