Homo sapiens create stigma,
not surroundings, so when the weeds
dangle like misinformed children,
I weep for their existence
but try not to dread.

They infiltrate garden-stocked lands
with their clogged green skin
sifting through wind puddles
settling urgency. (this will do until I think of a better line)

My thoughts are images of
their shadows
cast onto one another.
Weeds offer no friendship
to their fellow plants
diluted in flower beds.

It must be jealousy,
as if the weeds
have been gifted with
human souls.
I ache, I sob
wondering if they will
ever find themselves.

But once again,
homo sapiens create stigma,
not surroundings.

I'm not sure that I entirely understand this, but I think maybe I do. Anyway, I will have a go at making some halfways intelligent comment...

S1 L4 probably needs to be "I weep for".

S2: what is it that is perched on their limbs? "Wind puddles" is a lovely phrase, but a puddle is not the sort of thing that can perch on a limb. Also, weeds don't have limbs. So I would re-think S2 L4.

S4L3: don't understand what you mean by "a soul on end"
S4L5: don't like "I sprawl a dozen tears" - I would recast this as "my tears sprawl out".

There also seems to be an ambiguity in this stanza as to what "they" refers back to - the weeds or the fellow plants? I think this needs clarifying.

Overall, the poem is very creative with a metaphor (if I understand it rightly) that is well sustained.

Ozymandias wrote:

I'm not sure that I entirely understand this, but I think maybe I do. Anyway, I will have a go at making some halfways intelligent comment... S1 L4 probably needs to be "I weep for". S2: what is it that is perched on their limbs? "Wind puddles" is a lovely phrase, but a puddle is not the sort of thing that can perch on a limb. Also, weeds don't have limbs. So I would re-think S2 L4. S4L3: don't understand what you mean by "a soul on end" S4L5: don't like "I sprawl a dozen tears" - I would recast this as "my tears sprawl out". There also seems to be an ambiguity in this stanza as to what "they" refers back to - the weeds or the fellow plants? I think this needs clarifying. Overall, the poem is very creative with a metaphor (if I understand it rightly) that is well sustained.

Thank you for the comment. I fixed these. I can't think of a line for S2L4 so I just put something that flowed until I think of a better line. What does the poem mean to you? You said you don't understand it, so I'm just curious. Maybe you do, as you said.

Creating metaphors is difficult for me. Others on this website have an easier time creating tangible metaphors, but mine always come out as way out there. I guess I'm wired differently than most.

Also, I probably won't post it. It isn't one of my better pieces. I'm trying to bring the sort of muse that brought me to the Wind Trilogy, but I lost it. Darn.

I am guessing that the weeds are the people who have some kind of autism spectrum disorder, or some other psychological manifestation that causes them not to fit in to society.

It's up to you of course, but I would recommend posting it. I think it's good.

Ozymandias wrote:

I am guessing that the weeds are the people who have some kind of autism spectrum disorder, or some other psychological manifestation that causes them not to fit in to society. It's up to you of course, but I would recommend posting it. I think it's good.

In a way, you're right. The main message this poem is trying to convey is that there needs to be an interpreter in order for the events surrounding our environmental and societal body to be received. Our minds are the parts that interact with the behaviors of society, not society itself. A a full-fledged consciousness thing.

"Homo sapiens create stigma, not surroundings, so when the weeds dangle like misinformed children..." is the part that introduces the reader to the idea of it being what you see instead of the surrounding itself. If we were not here, it would be very hard to see the surroundings and feel them, because we couldn't. There would be no interpreter with a nervous system. After that, the reader is introduced to their interpretations of the surrounding itself and exposed to the way those weeds act when they're jealous of the flowers. They are shadows to each other, but there still has to be an interpreter.

Maybe your interpretation of this poem is what I was thinking subconsciously.