Conundrum 16: Whispers

Into the secret places of the heart
the winds of change blow gently,
stirring sacred longings for Oneness.
Come closer, come closer,
Whispers the One the only Beloved.
"There is only this All, no other.
Know Me and Be."

Hi Tasha..

I have read this several times, trying to think of worthy comments.

First, I don't understand how this fits the definition of "conundrum". That is a minor point, though.

As for the body..I think the last four lines are indeed mystical, and I like the elegant simplicity.

But I don't think the first three lines set them up well. In fact, they seem a little hackneyed. Perhaps the last four lines say it well enough on their own?

Thanks for indulging me. I hope that wasn't too harsh.

I do appreciate your comments and do not feel they are too harsh at all. Thanks you for your courtesy. The conundrums are intended to stimulate thought or provoke questions in the reader's mind. I thought that fit this poem. However, I've simplified it and hopefully made it more of a conundrum. How is this?

Conundrum 16: Whispers

The winds of change blow gently,
stirring longings for love.
Closer, come closer,
whispers the only Beloved.
"There is only this All, no other.
know Me and Be."

The edit is definitely better.

Should L3 be in quotes too?

You are correct, I'll change it. Thanks! And thanks too for your suggestions that led to the good edit. Warm Wishes, Tasha

Hi Tasha, I like this. Made me think of a poem I just wrote with someone. I like the first write though. I thought the line "in the secret places of the heart', was brilliant! Cause I think our heart is like the wind. It whisper's to our soul the secret to us being who we are. It holds the sacred love we share with someone. It holds the special feelings of a special friend. Such as a friend like you. the heart guides us thru life. The wind gently moves us forward.

OK friends, how does this one work? Thanks for your help! Warmly, Tasha

Conundrum 16: Whispers

The winds of change blow gently
into the secret places of the heart
stirring longings for love.
"Closer, come closer,"
whispers the only Beloved.
"There is only this All, no other.
know Me and Be."

Yes! I like that for sure. Great stuff.

I'll post it then. Thanks to you both for your input. Warm Wishes, Tasha

An enjoyable piece; the title works for me, since if God is whispering to us - then He MUST exist; nicely done.

-Joe Breunig
Reaching Towards His Unbounded Glory