The fourth of all the digits prime,
neutrality between
the acid and the alkaline,
the orbs mere eyes have seen;

a week from when a day begins,
a mammal's neck, in bones,
our virtues and our deadly sins,
the numbers to our phones;

how long 'til Tribulation's done,
the wonders to behold,
the times I must forgive someone
times seventy, I'm told;

the periodic table rows,
the continents of Earth,
the term when cells, from head to toes,
regenerate from birth;

the day of our Creator's rest,
the scheme a rainbow brings,
the basic music notes expressed
with valves or keys or strings;

the seals, the plagues, the bowls of wrath,
a touchdown and a kick,
the years we've trod this desert path-
they got behind us quick.



Copyright © 2012 by Hugh Lemma- All rights reserved

H, is there specific feedback that you're looking for here? honestly, i don't see why this poem is in the rewrite workshop; as far as i can tell, your meter and rhyme are right on, as usual...perhaps the only hang-up i have is with the last line, it doesn't mesh with the poetics of the previous lines/stanzas, imho. i don't have a suggestion for you, but it really is the only spot in the poem that bugs me. the rest of it works wonderfully.

oh, and it's exceedingly clever. i would love to know what inspired you to write an entire poem about the number 7.

Chris, thank you for the reply.

To answer both your questions, I will explain the reason for this poem. My family and I moved to AZ from NJ during a tumultuous time. On May 20 it was exactly seven years since we arrived. That's why the last two lines seem to break from the theme..although I really consider them a summation.

We enjoy our lives here..but the summers are tough, and we miss family back in NJ.

I would like to make it more accessible, and will consider how to do so. I'm certainly open to suggestions.

well that makes perfect sense and makes those final lines even more poignant. i'm still stuck on that last line though; i think it's the abruptness with which the poem ends that is sticking in my craw. it works, but it feels remote and out of touch with the rest of the poem, which i find mesmerizing. but again, i don't have a suggestion to offer you, so i guess i'm not much help.

thanks for the clarity. i love these types of poems that are essentially a list of things gathered in poetic form; they're difficult to do but you've pulled them all together beautifully.

Thank you. I enjoy writing list poems.

I am going to think about the last line and see if I can come up with something better.

F, this isn't much help probably:

1. Love the poem.
2. Find the very last line...abrupt and underwhelming in contrast to the comparative glory of everything that leads up to it.

ET..thanks. It is helpful. I'm glad you confirmed it. I am going to find an ending that is not anti-climactic.