Judge this Poem
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Forums > > Poetry Workshops > > Post a poem > > Ginger wine.
Ginger wine.
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lukaki26
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 Posted: Fri May 25 11:29:33 EDT 2012 Post subject: Ginger wine. |
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God made us all as jokes, empty of punchlines.
If we learn to laugh the whole way through
I think we'll be just fine.
After all we made God in the way he is designed,
and I bet he's laughing now at how we spend our time.
For time cannot be bought or sold,
but laughter helps enrich the soul.
I'm not afraid of growing old
and making ginger wine.
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Last edited by lukaki26 on Thu Feb 7 1:08:51 EST 2013; edited 2 times in total |
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Ozymandias
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| Posted: Fri May 25 16:29:20 EDT 2012 Post subject: Re: Ginger wine. |
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This is a good piece that expresses an interesting message well. I just note that the rhyme scheme is a bit haphazard - every line rhymes or near-rhymes to some other line, except for L2, but since the meter is irregular the rhyming loses some of its strength. The other thing is that because the stress is on the first syllable in "punchlines", that word doesn't really work as a rhyme.
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FuchsiaFestival!
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| Posted: Fri Jun 15 14:32:29 EDT 2012 Post subject: Re: Ginger wine. |
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Interesting. I enjoyed the "For time cannot be bought nor sold." This is truth. I don't think "jokes" needs to be capitalized...
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wordsmithwannabe
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| Posted: Mon Jun 18 12:04:18 EDT 2012 Post subject: Re: Ginger wine. |
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stanza two makes me giggle, as it stands in sharp contrast to stanza one...exceedingly clever.
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