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ThursdayRain11
Has written an Occasional poem or two.
Joined: Aug 18, 2004
Posts: 624
Credits: 57
Location: Philadelphia
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 Posted: Sat Jan 14 22:36:43 EST 2006 Post subject: [.disposable.] |
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I can't yet bring myself to burn your pictures
Your face in my mind has become a fixture
Not proceeding with caution when I knew from the start
Words don't break bones but they certainly break hearts
The echoes of your words won't ever leave
So long as your actions stay just as cheap
And I'm no more a paper with some scribbled lines
Repeating what's been said a thousand times
I can't seem to let you go
But to you I'm so disposable
I've learned from you to appreciate happiness
Because it never lasts
All my smiles and laughs
Go by too fucking fast
As you take back the promises you can't keep
After you break them
I don't see how you can sleep
I'll drown myself in alcohol
With lots of nicotine
And blood stained razor blades
To take up the time in between
So thankful for the mixture
Of all your stitched together parts
I've grown to despise this fixture
Of you inside my heart
The echoes of your words won't ever leave
So long as your actions stay just as cheap
I'm no more a hypocritical contradiction
Far beyond composable
On the wrong side of addiction
And so damn disposable
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madpoet
Galileo is laughing at you from on high
Joined: Oct 20, 2005
Posts: 857
Credits: 0
Location: ALLOVER
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| Posted: Mon Jan 16 18:30:43 EST 2006 Post subject: Re: [.disposable.] |
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Wow very well constructed,nice rhyme though sometimes unclear..but the overall rating is good...
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ThursdayRain11
Has written an Occasional poem or two.
Joined: Aug 18, 2004
Posts: 624
Credits: 57
Location: Philadelphia
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| Posted: Mon Jan 16 23:57:00 EST 2006 Post subject: Re: [.disposable.] |
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Thank you.
Though autobiographical and done to spill out my emotions as most poetry goes I wanted to stretch my rhyming muscles on this one. If you could clarify what was unclear to you I'd much appreciate it so I know better next time.
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iwrite
Finds Beauty in Everything
Joined: Apr 05, 2005
Posts: 2080
Credits: 11
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Tue Jan 17 9:55:37 EST 2006 Post subject: Re: [.disposable.] |
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| Quote: |
Not proceeding with caution when I knew from the start
Words don't break bones but they certainly break hearts |
That is beautiful.
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natey
The Chief Troublemaker
 
Joined: Jul 04, 1998
Posts: 6228
Credits: 20
Location: Thrifty Chicken Super Center
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| Posted: Tue Jan 17 13:38:20 EST 2006 Post subject: Re: [.disposable.] |
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sweet. heard to read when the screens a bit narrower (as i like to use it) because you have to scroll back and forth, but nice imagery nonetheless
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ThursdayRain11
Has written an Occasional poem or two.
Joined: Aug 18, 2004
Posts: 624
Credits: 57
Location: Philadelphia
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| Posted: Tue Jan 17 23:37:19 EST 2006 Post subject: Re: [.disposable.] |
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iwrite: thank you muchly =]
natey: thanks, and sorry about putting it in different places but i've been going through a weird phase of doing that.
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blueyezz143420
Newbie
Joined: Jan 22, 2006
Posts: 4
Credits: 1
Location: cranston, rhode island
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| Posted: Sun Jan 22 4:49:53 EST 2006 Post subject: Re: [.disposable.] |
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I liked this so much ..
I can relate to it on so many levels..
your words come to life and send chills up my neck..
very well written and definately from the heart..
it's deep.. yet vulnerable...
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ThursdayRain11
Has written an Occasional poem or two.
Joined: Aug 18, 2004
Posts: 624
Credits: 57
Location: Philadelphia
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| Posted: Mon Jan 23 11:27:22 EST 2006 Post subject: Re: [.disposable.] |
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Thank you, that's what I was going for.
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xXxSYNxXx
Newbie
Joined: Feb 23, 2006
Posts: 1
Credits: 1
Location: Dallas, Texas
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| Posted: Thu Feb 23 16:14:22 EST 2006 Post subject: Re: [.disposable.] |
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beautifully written words!
i can also relate to that one, very well, i don't think i could have said it better myself.
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ThursdayRain11
Has written an Occasional poem or two.
Joined: Aug 18, 2004
Posts: 624
Credits: 57
Location: Philadelphia
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| Posted: Thu Feb 23 16:19:52 EST 2006 Post subject: Re: [.disposable.] |
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Thank you =]
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inARTiculate
Has the Poetry Bug
Joined: Oct 10, 2005
Posts: 46
Credits: 0
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| Posted: Wed Mar 8 23:30:19 EST 2006 Post subject: Re: [.disposable.] |
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i appreciated how you placed your words spatially on the page. the message i got from it made me feel less alone. thank you for sharing.
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ThursdayRain11
Has written an Occasional poem or two.
Joined: Aug 18, 2004
Posts: 624
Credits: 57
Location: Philadelphia
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| Posted: Thu Mar 9 16:55:42 EST 2006 Post subject: Re: [.disposable.] |
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you're very welcome =]
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