I wrote this in a strange stressful time in my life. It means a lot to me. If its hard to understand I would love to explain. I just want to put it out there and see if people can get it. Most of my poetry is like this. If someone can take something from it that’s all I’m looking for so I just really want to know what you think. Thanks in advance.





Literally shined over brown view
Distant thoughts of hidden due
I am the creepy you
Out from under tha simple sputter
Intervention
The gasp of the audience awareness program
These are rids walking drools hand and hand
You will be one way where I stand
Simple shape
Box triangles
I cant relate
Time and distance incorporate
Monopolize manipulative rate
Debate suggestion for suppression
System tolerate fabricated transgression
Got on big word mention
The tension
Oh by the way that’s our special today
Would you like fried freaked or baked lump
What kind of dressing
For your freshly fucked messing
Ok my names depressing
If you need anything
And well get that right out for you
Thanks I was looking for a turn
Tried to end on dining out
Paranoia always finds a way to shout

Hmmm... I felt madness, a feeling of isolationism and paranoia. It's got a decent flow.

Two parts made me falter:

Got on big word mention
The tension

That "tension" just came in to fast for me. Also:

What kind of dressing
For your freshly fucked messing
Ok my names depressing

That last line felt a little forced and out of place. I didn't quite get it's purpose and made me trip up.

Just some thoughts.

-Jesster

I found the poem hard to follow, honestly. It is a mash of images that I can't sort out.

Yes, I would love you to explain.








debcakespoems.blogspot.com/

Jesster
Thank you for your thoughts. Isolationism and paranoia was definitely what I was feelin. So that made me feel good. Got on big word mention, the tension, was a sudden feeling that over came me in the place that I was. When I write I don’t think I feel. What kind of dressing for your freshly fucked messing. Well that’s where I was at tha time. I had made a mess of my life, and well you need dressing for your salad. I just wrote it man. It felt right. Thank you so much for your thoughts. They meant a lot, I’ve never done this and it’s cool to hear what people think. Thanks again.

i respect any form of expression bob. i think your style of poetry is totally visceral. i think all poets try to tap into that aspect in whatever form they write in because it's the emotion that drives the verse right? it's easy to just let the spirit take you and see where you come out on the other end and i feel thats what you did here.

i get the same thing from it that jesster did. i also get anger and a bit of cynicism. one thing though that i recommend, with this sort of poetry, with words coming at you so quickly and powerfully, i think spelling is very important. i got caught up in the mispelling of certain key words such as "one" unless "on" was misinterpreted? "rid" was another that tripped me up a bit.. whatever the case i enjoyed the ride. thank you.

Tekirdag
I wrote this after I had escaped from jail. I was high scared and alone. Its about not wanting to be stuck in a system. Not stuck with a** holes that have there life driven by an influence. Simple shape cant relate. Time and distance incorporate. Means, Jail cell and how long and far I would run. Monopolize manipulative rate. Means drug pusher and the advantages of having fiends. Debate election suggestion for suppression. Means who’s going to turn me in to be controlled again. Tolerate fabricated transgression. That’s putting up with ways being made. Got on big word mention, the tension. I laughed at myself for the use of bigger than average words. Considering the people I was around, they didn’t get it. At that moment while writing a wave of people came over there were drugs, and money everywhere. Not to mention the a** holes. Such a crowd brings mixed feelings of paranoia, fear, and empowerment. So the rest is just as it says, just how I felt. Thanks for reading it. Also thanks for wanting an explanation. Its good to know you read it and didn’t just think to yourself, well that was strange, and let it go. So thanks again I hope you got some clarification.

Brownbwi
Thanks for the thoughts. You will be one way where I stand. I was only in one place. I think I was saying, everyone makes mistakes. I felt the people around me were judging how I was acting, with the decisions I made. Everyone has to fall to come up. Thank you very much, again for the thoughts.

Thanks Bob. I read your piece again and took a lot more away from it.

Tekirdag
Cool thanks again for checkin it out.