|There's a nice drive to this poem and a good description of inner turmoil. Nice job. The poem felt a bit choppy to me--you might want to play with lengthening your sentences and not breaking so much at punctuation for example|
The spin turns to rinse and thunderstorms
turn to gentle rain. Wind calms to soft breezes.
I think you could also do away with some of the that's and there's
There's a heavy duty, large load, spin cycle vibrating
in my head, a thunderstorm
inside my stomach.
|I like the feeling behind the poem, but lndeed as Spectre puts it, it's a bit choppy.. Maybe you should try to make some flow in there.. Some more 'touch'?|
But indeed, it tel a lot about yourself, how you feel.
A tip for this flow usage is just to add a rhyme.
|The other comments already mentioned what I was going to say about the flow but I do see a lot of really good imagery in here. Once you get this streamlined, I think it will turn out quite nicely.|
Well that and it has a line in there about wolves, and that will always make me a bit partial.
Nice write LJH86 and welcome to GP.
You are very welcome for the heads up, and yeah, welcome to the forums.
Another tip, when you rhyme, don't forget to stay in the context and not to overdo your rhymes.
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