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#1: The Visitor's Gambade Author: fogglethorpe, Location: Sonoran Desert

Posted: Sat Jun 16 9:50:19 EDT 2012
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The day my Reaper comes for me,
will he accost me by surprise,
or notify me in advance

that I may bid the long goodbyes,
correct some adverse circumstance,
petition God on bended knee?

Does Death appear by fate, or chance?
Is he a friend, or enemy?
Will he enjoy my lover's cries,

or feel a tinge of sympathy
as windblown ashes fall and rise
and scatter in a great expanse?

Copyright © 2012 by Hugh Lemma- All rights reserved

Notes: This poem is my first attempt at a form I am calling gambade, which means a forward leap or spring. It is usually an equestrian term.

The form is as follows:

abc, bca, cab, abc

Line a seems to leapfrog lines b and c to form S2. Then line b leapfrogs lines c and a to form S3. This continues until the final stanza is the same sequence as the first.

Variations are possible, of course. Line a could be a refrain, for example. I wanted to keep it simple to start.

It is possible that this has been done before, but I cannot recall seeing it.

Most importantly, though..does the poem itself work? All comments welcome.

Last edited by fogglethorpe on Sun Jun 17 10:43:46 EDT 2012; edited 2 times in total

#2: Re: The Visitor's Gambade Author: gailw, Location: iami,Florida

Posted: Sat Jun 16 15:29:34 EDT 2012
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Wow! Hugh this form is quite the challenge! I will enjoy attempting it. This poem is original, unique, and fresh. I love it!

#3: Re: The Visitor's Gambade Author: fogglethorpe, Location: Sonoran Desert

Posted: Sat Jun 16 23:54:21 EDT 2012
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Hey Gail! It's good to see you. How are you?

#4: Re: The Visitor's Gambade Author: kreemer,

Posted: Sun Jun 17 7:59:14 EDT 2012
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I know nothing about form but it's a gorgeous poem!
...-in a great expanse- is the only thing that catches with me.
There's something there out there for this little bit.
But delightful...!

#5: Re: The Visitor's Gambade Author: fogglethorpe, Location: Sonoran Desert

Posted: Sun Jun 17 9:39:43 EDT 2012
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Thanks. I was thinking of ashes dumped from an urn into the air, perhaps from a hill into a valley. I may edit slightly.

#6: Re: The Visitor's Gambade Author: kreemer,

Posted: Sun Jun 17 11:06:59 EDT 2012
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Yes, saw the same, it's such a beautiful poem, I get lost in the vast expanse of the ending! It's gonna be difficult though because it's such a little gem - you don't have much space to maneouver...!

I'm looking you up now because you obviously write well - have to make sure I'm not putting my foot in my mouth!

#7: Re: The Visitor's Gambade Author: fogglethorpe, Location: Sonoran Desert

Posted: Sun Jun 17 13:23:24 EDT 2012
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I have to write this one with the self imposed constraints of rhyme and meter, so my choices for edits are obviously limited. But I don't mind a challenge, and prefer honest opinions like yours.

#8: Re: The Visitor's Gambade Author: FuchsiaFestival!, Location: In the Persistence of Memory swimming with Dali

Posted: Sun Jun 17 14:37:12 EDT 2012
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This is very good. I enjoyed the wordplay, it comes tightly together!

#9: Re: The Visitor's Gambade Author: fogglethorpe, Location: Sonoran Desert

Posted: Mon Jun 18 14:14:34 EDT 2012
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Thanks for that. I'm glad you liked it.

#10: Re: The Visitor's Gambade Author: fogglethorpe, Location: Sonoran Desert

Posted: Mon Jun 18 15:24:24 EDT 2012
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Edit (opening line). Also, the new title will be "A Mortal's Gambade"

The Reaper has a claim on me-
will he accost me by surprise,
or notify me in advance

that I may bid the long goodbyes,
correct some adverse circumstance,
petition God on bended knee?

Does Death appear by fate, or chance?
Is he a friend, or enemy?
Will he enjoy my lover's cries,

or feel a tinge of sympathy
as windblown ashes fall and rise
and scatter in a great expanse?

#11: Re: The Visitor's Gambade Author: gailw, Location: iami,Florida

Posted: Thu Jun 28 13:01:54 EDT 2012
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Love the second one. Awesome.

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