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Soulful_Poet Newbie


Joined: Aug 31, 2009 Posts: 4 Credits: 0 Location: South Carolina

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Posted: Mon Aug 31 14:59:12 EDT 2009 Post subject: "The Saddest Thing" |
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She made me cry in the middle of the night. Not for nothing unimportant; but for the reality of the love that she has for me
Dampened satin pillow cases and sheets from the tears of her eyes, she cried for me on the nights that we used to share, lost sleep for me on the days that seem like she didn't care; but ultimately she loved me more than I ever knew
Years passed and those hollow tears follows me for those passed years, I still cry in silence as I regret losing such a tender love, a true romance of a shattered soul...still I will wail for her return
My heart is on pause for the play-back of her love and beauty to return to me. All the days of nothingness has transformed into something of sadness, something I should have done;but failed to do in the very beginning of our love
Still I feel that she loves me, I in turn know that I love her...so is this the saddest thing to lose sleep on, on restful nights?
Begging her pardons several times over the phone; but never in person, I feel her pain of lost and regret as she cry aloud writhing her hollowed soul
The reverberating sounds of whimpering makes me weak-I cannot allow her to live this pain alone...I want to embrace her tightly and kiss all her pain away; and assure her that it was all a dream
Lesson learned that it is the saddest thing to lose a true love from the tightest grasps of one's hands...the saddest thing is to live life knowing that your true love was lost to silent lips and talkative phrases on paper, instead of gentle whispers on the lobes of tender ears
Copyright ©2008 Soulful Poet
Last edited by Soulful_Poet on Tue Sep 1 13:07:30 EDT 2009; edited 1 time in total |
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Huberjack Told love the world was on fire


             
Joined: Aug 16, 2007 Posts: 2415 Credits: 455 Location: Denver, CO

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Posted: Mon Aug 31 16:20:03 EDT 2009 Post subject: Re: "A Lesson On Lonliness" |
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Is narrative prose your style of writing? As a reader, I find it difficult to stick with narratives and give up before then end. But it is a perfectly acceptible format.
_________________ Jack Huber
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down. --Robert Frost (1874-1963) |
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Soulful_Poet Newbie


Joined: Aug 31, 2009 Posts: 4 Credits: 0 Location: South Carolina

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Posted: Tue Sep 1 8:57:05 EDT 2009 Post subject: Re: "A Lesson On Lonliness" |
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Why, yes it is...I love this style. I flow better as a writer, I do not think about what to write, my pen does it for me. I just hold the instrument and it plays whatever is in its heart. Thank you very much for your critique. You took the time to read my work, for this alone I am happy, honored and quite surprised. This will not be my last post.
_________________ "... And my name is to spread more smiles than tears, utilize lessons learned from my childhood years..." Song: 'Hold Ya Head' by: Makaveli |
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NoGoody Galileo is laughing at you from on high


Joined: Nov 06, 2007 Posts: 888 Credits: 178 Location: Detroit

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Posted: Tue Sep 1 10:05:40 EDT 2009 Post subject: Re: "A Lesson On Lonliness" |
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Welcome here SP nice write about lost love hints of rhyme with an eloquent twist I dig it. Keep it flowing.
_________________ "Turn your downside upside down." -
Noah Goodman IV |
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Soulful_Poet Newbie


Joined: Aug 31, 2009 Posts: 4 Credits: 0 Location: South Carolina

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Posted: Tue Sep 1 12:06:42 EDT 2009 Post subject: Re: "A Lesson On Lonliness" |
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Thanks Sensei... I'm trying to get over these necessary "hang-ups" for posting another poem/prose. I have so many to post and I have to wait. I truly respect the input of others, otherwise I would have not joined this site. I will also get the chance to "chop" a few lines of yours as well master...(bowing my head)
_________________ "... And my name is to spread more smiles than tears, utilize lessons learned from my childhood years..." Song: 'Hold Ya Head' by: Makaveli |
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MidnightPoet Beauty's but the beginning of terror


    
Joined: May 18, 2008 Posts: 3645 Credits: 312 Location: Roaming

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Posted: Tue Sep 1 12:13:46 EDT 2009 Post subject: Re: "A Lesson On Lonliness" |
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I'm the same way Soulful_Poet, I usually write stream-of-conscious because the feelings and observations are so genuine. It was only later that I was able to take those streaming thoughts and narrow them down to a few sharp and "biting" lines that carried all the weight of the original idea. This poem has a lot of potential to harness. Consider yourself lucky since you already have the words, you can shape them however you want.
Welcome to GP by the way.
_________________ “I don’t generalize like they all say I do” MidnightPoet
"Equilibrium thrives in different proportions" |
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Soulful_Poet Newbie


Joined: Aug 31, 2009 Posts: 4 Credits: 0 Location: South Carolina

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Posted: Tue Sep 1 13:15:38 EDT 2009 Post subject: Re: "The Saddest Thing" |
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Sorry I put the wrong title on my work. The first title actually goes to another one of mt works, I apologize for that.
_________________ "... And my name is to spread more smiles than tears, utilize lessons learned from my childhood years..." Song: 'Hold Ya Head' by: Makaveli |
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