Living with you should come with an instruction manual

Jess147

You're a Milton Bradley chess set
and we all know I'm the pawn.
Place me where you will
or sacrifice me for a better move.
Can't say I will lay the king down,
but for you, I'll try.

Not really sure how I feel about this one. I hate starting with "you're" but I want to
jump right into it. Suggestions are definitely appreciated.

mmmelissa

i'm a little rusty on poetry, i set it aside for a while.
i've been looking through gotpoetry poems for the past couple of months, and this is the first one i've wanted to comment on.
I really like this. there are only little things i could suggest.
"You are a Milton Bradley chess set..."
and
"I can't say I will lay the king down,
but for you, I will try."
very great work.

scriptum

Jess147 wrote:

Suggestions are definitely appreciated.

Check Mate

She removed me from her chess set
That Milton Bradley game
And like a Queen appoints my place
Her check mate is to blame

I'm set upon black square
As I advance her white
No bishop or a rook
But a pawn of sacrifice

Taken by a castle
Or swallowed by the queen
There's power in the pawn
I could lay down the king

Take the rook and smite me
Her majesty insists
But capture by the queen
For you I won't resist

Jess147

Wow scrip, I thought that was beautiful. I don't even want to finish my own poem now that I've read yours. Really beautiful and captured my feelings better than my own words.

scriptum

OH MY GOD THANK YOU RESPONDING.

When I do stuff like this, I wonder if I'm hated. Confused

When I read the submissions, the comments, and from what I know of the person through their work, I sincerely try to take it [or you] in. It could not be written otherwise. I am happy .... no, relieved, you find this okay. Jesus Christ, what a relief.

It's not my idea, I didn't start it, nothing.

It's yours.