i have not written in quite some time so, suggestions are very, very welcome.
i'd like to add to it, but i'm unsure if i'm heading in the right direction.


thank you, friends, for joining me
i've been so lonely lately
the pills that i take daily
tend to silence my thoughts

confusion overwhelms me
when you return so gently
but your warmth, i hold thee...
we are all that i have known

I love it. straight there. more would be great if it followed the same charming rhyme/sound system.

I would only alter "I have" to "I've" in the last line to make it perfect.

It's wonderfully odd and simple. I like it.

Along with LFN's suggestion, I would lose the ellipsis on S2L3 and either leave it out or use a hyphen.

I like it. I agree that the final line should be a syllable shorter. Perhaps "we're" or "I've."

The only real bone that I have to pick with it is "I hold thee..." I don't feel like it fits necessarily. Even though holding something doesn't always refer to something physical, it comes off that way. The title implies a subject that's internal. While the complimentary line in the first stanza does refer to something external, taking pills, I think that a different image should be conveyed in the second stanza. Perhaps not, depending on how it works into the rest, if there ends up being more.

I really like the monorhyme here and especially in the first stanza, it seems so fitting that "silencing thoughts" would break off, end, the rhyming there.

thank you, all three of you.
for some reason i'm quite stuck on 'i have' instead of 'i've'...'i've' doesn't read right to me...i'll see if it grows on me

fogglethorpe, i agree on the ellipsis. i actually don't know why i put it there to begin with.

heera, thank you for the idea, i understand what you mean, but 'i hold thee' isn't meant to be literal...and i really like it haha once again, i am attached to my own words.


thank you again =)

I loved it. I look foward to seeing how this progresses. The only issue I see is the 'thee'. I agree it doesnt fit. It kind of throws the poem off a bit. My reason for saying that is a single 'thee' in a modern day poem takes away from the power of your message, which is a very good one. ^.^

thank you Beauty_In_Pain. I like 'thee' but the census seems to be that it needs to go. i'll revise. =)

The only suggestion i have here is the title. As a psychology student, I have learned that it is a common misconception to relate schizophrenia with dissociative identity disorder (previously known as multiple personality disorder). The voices schizophrenics hear are the product of their hallucinations, not active alter personalities.

Otherwise, I appreciate this piece.