First poem I have written in awhile I wanted to get some input on what you guys think or what I need to change to make it a better poem.

A smile that makes me melt
A feeling I have never felt
What we have is something beautiful
Every moment we spend is more special

Our matchig hoodies
Your big boobies
How you talk in your sleep
and how much you facebook creep

Our song "Smile" and "Need You Now"
Not admitting we're both bed hogs
The walk that got me sick
And my not so good smile in all our pics

How we make each other better
And How I think I am so clever
Your imperfections are so perfect
I am so glad that we ever met

My nickname "Toot's" I gave to you
And how much you hated when I called you "Boo"
Our similar future goals
And the connection of our souls

The break-ups we have had
And all the smacks to your tiny, cute ass
How I whoop you in Phase 10
And the chit chats that never end

These are the memories I won't soon forget
Locked away in my mind they will be kept

-> Let me know what you guys think. It's still a little rough around the edges.

Hi Jm..good to see you here.

A few comments..

I like that you included specific, personal things rather than generalities. But the meanings of some references escape me..although that may be a generational thing..particularly "facebook creep" and "Phase 10". Not a big issue though.

Since this is a rhyming poem, it would be beneficial to work on meter or pacing a little more. And the rhymes should be consistent.

Typo in S2L1..should be "hoodies" I think.

One other thing..some of the rhymes sound a little like a greeting card. Perhaps some more original sentiments would help..example:

A smile that makes me melt
A feeling I have never felt

Such generic lines diminish the more original ones, and make the poem longer than necessary.

I hope this helps..I will check back later. I'm sure some other poets here will chime in with helpful ideas too.

I agree with Fogglethorpe; I think you may even want to consider free-writing without rhyme constraints as an exercise to look for some fresher ideas and deeper metaphores, (perhaps even outside of poetic form altogether to begin with just to brainstorm; sometimes that helps me) and then having done that, perhaps return to the business of actually writing a poem and constructing a rhyme structure with a fresh start. It's just an idea, of course. As far as helping you with the actual meter and rhyme, Fogglethorpe is among the best here to ask.

I agree with the 2 previous. The poem has some charming passages in it, but it also verges on the corny and sentimental sometimes. It would benefit from more consistency in rhyme and meter.

this poems reads perfect to the one it was meant for. to others it needs a complete rewrite. i can see your poem played out in my mind perfectly. work on just writing your feelings without the rhyme and this poem could go places.