Fluttering
and taking
the long way
around
the scenic route
noticing
while I flutter
and dance in your
direction
maybe and
what I hear
I dance to
I flutter to
scented breezes
of colors
while I take
the scenic route


© k. h. burton (sedubah)

From the poetry section, read the original here: Original Poem

I think line breaks or minimal punctuation may make this a little more clear and readable. It seems to get tangled up in itself a bit..and the repeated words are a bit much in such a short piece.

Still, I find it intriguing and would like to see where you take it.

yeah

i tried to do what you're talking writing about.

i call myself formating the text before i posted it but something got lost in the translation.

Sedubaaaaaah, hiiii

you can lose the lines 2,6,7,12,13

try it and tell me if it works

I think alana is right. It definitely enhances the coherency. Definitely a good write. Write strong.

thanks to the both of you alana & NoGoody.
in my reply i posted a revised version

now mend the line breaks, break a line where you can instinctively pause,
but for that, first write the poem as a paragraph, and read noting or marking the pauses, I use a / to mark the pauses.

fogglethorpe,
alana,
NoGoody,

I don't know how to set up my text and font formatting with the available tools

the original piece had words strategically place around the page like a butterfly flying

help!!!

are you guys using a different word processor than what's on the site

use this {color=white}......{/color} for arranging by varying the length of the dots,

only use [ ] in place of { }
i cannot do that here, it will not show up as text but as a command, so I used the { }


like this
{color=white}...........{/color}oh butterfly

and you will have

...................... oh butterfly
....................................... oh butterfly
......... oh butterfly

thank you alana

i think i get it.

kenny

Kenny, I love this poem! It flutters not matter how the format!