Albatross above-
held aloft by wind and feather,
terra firma has no tether,
gravity is just a lie.
Do you know the meaning of
loneliness, inclement weather?
Hunger and fatigue, together?
Making bargains with the sky?

Albatross inbound-
wings, eleven feet expanding,
tiny legs still mar the landing,
crashing is a bitter pill.
Now that you are on the ground,
have you come to understanding
none escape the reprimanding?
Gravity has sent a bill.



Copyright © 2012 by Hugh Lemma- All rights reserved

Nice poem, I prefer the first verse to the second one. It seems more complete. Somehow, the two verses don't seem to really fit well. Gravity has sent a bill...somehow seems not to fit...it's difficult to explain what is a feeling without a definite definition. Albatrosses are indeed magnificent birds, from what I understand. Did you see one crash? Is this something real? Or a metaphor? Regardless, it is an interesting write and I enjoyed the rhyme scheme. Warm Wishes, Tasha

Tasha..thank you for the comments.

The albatross can fly for extremely long periods of time without stopping. They are in their element around the sea. And though they are rather large, graceful birds with giant wingspans, they have tiny legs and webbed feet that are not conducive to landing on the ground. Yes, they do crash land in dramatic fashion.

I ran with that image. By "gravity has sent a bill" I wanted to illustrate that haughtiness is often met with a fall.

If you have suggestions as to how I might make that more clear, I welcome them.

I like it a lot and don't see a need for amendment. Well done! There is an apparent contradiction between L4 and the last line, but this disappears if we suppose that L4 merely reflects the false imaginings of the flying albatross. I presume this was your intention.

Thanks, I do have a thought that occurs to me to share: I understand now, what struck me as uncomfortable between the two verses. In the second it seems to me there is a presumption of haughtiness that doesn't fit the admirable characteristics in the first verse. Do you think the albatross is haughty or just it's lived for so long in the air its feet have gradually grown less useful? Maybe that might make an interesting point to the second verse. However, that's just a thought... Warmly sent, Tasha

Ozymandias wrote:

I like it a lot and don't see a need for amendment. Well done! There is an apparent contradiction between L4 and the last line, but this disappears if we suppose that L4 merely reflects the false imaginings of the flying albatross. I presume this was your intention.

Rory..exactly. S1L2,3,4 are all meant to be those imaginings. What if I put those three lines in italics?

fogglethorpe wrote:

Ozymandias wrote: I like it a lot and don't see a need for amendment. Well done! There is an apparent contradiction between L4 and the last line, but this disappears if we suppose that L4 merely reflects the false imaginings of the flying albatross. I presume this was your intention. Rory..exactly. S1L2,3,4 are all meant to be those imaginings. What if I put those three lines in italics?

Could do. Or you could make a substitution of L3-4 as follows:

lacking terra firma's tether,
thinking gravity a lie.

Pujakins wrote:

Thanks, I do have a thought that occurs to me to share: I understand now, what struck me as uncomfortable between the two verses. In the second it seems to me there is a presumption of haughtiness that doesn't fit the admirable characteristics in the first verse. Do you think the albatross is haughty or just it's lived for so long in the air its feet have gradually grown less useful? Maybe that might make an interesting point to the second verse. However, that's just a thought... Warmly sent, Tasha

Noted. Thank you.

The contrast between the majestic cruising bird and the clumsy, almost comical crashing bird are not really an indictment of the bird itself, but are meant to be seen metaphorically. No one is too big or too good or too powerful to fall. No one is too beautiful to age, too indestructible to die, etc..

It's a statement about human nature and even mortality. But if any reader sees it differently, that's fine.

Ozymandias wrote:

Could do. Or you could make a substitution of L3-4 as follows: lacking terra firma's tether, thinking gravity a lie.

That is a great suggestion. I am going to use it. It solves the problem of clarity and still keeps the meter. Thanks for that.

Edit:



Albatross above-
held aloft by wind and feather,
mocking terra firma's tether,
calling gravity a lie,
do you know the meaning of
loneliness, inclement weather?
Hunger and fatigue, together?
Making bargains with the sky?

Albatross inbound-
wings, eleven feet expanding,
tiny legs still mar the landing,
crashing is a bitter pill.
Now that you are on the ground,
have you come to understanding
none escape the reprimanding?
Gravity has sent a bill.

Point well taken, thanks. Warmly, Tasha

Oh, by the way, what is the meaning of the title? Thanks!

It's a genus of sea birds. I was going to call this "albatross" but that seemed too obvious.

I love it... to me, albatross always denote loneliness, awkwardness...

I could quibble (within my own sense of rhythm) here and there
but only in a very minor way - only the final line still disturbs me.
It just seems to lack the vision of the majority of the poem.

This is really, really good - like I said, I love it. Cheers, Mary Ann

Hi Maryann..The inversion (from trochee to iamb) and catalexis (missing syllable) of metric feet is by design. It may seem like a stop and start at times.

As for the final line..what if it switched places with L4 in that stanza?

Albatross inbound-
wings, eleven feet expanding,
tiny legs still mar the landing,
gravity has sent a bill.
Now that you are on the ground,
have you come to understanding
none escape the reprimanding?
Crashing is a bitter pill.

fogglethorpe wrote:

As for the final line..what if it switched places with L4 in that stanza? Albatross inbound- wings, eleven feet expanding, tiny legs still mar the landing, gravity has sent a bill. Now that you are on the ground, have you come to understanding none escape the reprimanding? Crashing is a bitter pill.

yes, i think that works well. it really makes the last question pop and ends the entire poem on a stronger note. excellent poem, H.

Ok. Thanks for the input. I am going to edit accordingly.

Albatross above-
held aloft by wind and feather,
mocking terra firma's tether,
calling gravity a lie,
do you know the meaning of
loneliness, inclement weather?
Hunger and fatigue, together?
Making bargains with the sky?

Albatross inbound-
wings, eleven feet expanding,
tiny legs still mar the landing,
gravity has sent a bill.
Now that you are on the ground,
have you come to understanding
none escape the reprimanding?
Crashing is a bitter pill.

Good to go, well done now, for good! Warmly, Tasha

As Rory once pointed out, I like the apparent contradiction between S1L4 and the last line in the poem, making a person want to "bet" that l4 is just the false teachings of the bird itself. However, it's not in the new poem, but I understand where you are now going with this piece. In relation to the bird, it could just be a lie, so it kind of stands on its own merit now in the way that you now have it set up. Good job.

Hi Sammi..thanks for the observations. This is really about pride getting too big.

genus Diomedia: albatross
also land mass


I saw a documentary on the albatross recently, those birds are amazing, one of them was chased by a shark into the shallows, and it actually ended being caught by the shark, but it hurt the shark with its beak and got away, it actually had the gumbtion to walk on the back of the shark and then take off into flight.

Fogglethorpe, do you think that sharks have an ego, because that shark must have felt something, what did the albatross feel?
I don't know, and that is why this poem interests me, is ego a thing that only mankind possesses?

I think only human beings have egos.

The shark was hungry, and the albatross was afraid. Primal stuff.

Ego...seeing ourselves as separate and individual as opposed to part of the whole, the hive, the pack, the flock...yes I think we humans are unique that way among the animals of this planet. I like this poem the more I read it, the more I like it. It has definitely grown on my. Warmly, Tasha

I think you're right, Tasha. Thanks for the observations. This poem took time to grow on me too.