your eyes ...

your words...

your actions...



they draw me in



captivated



you dance

to the beat

of your own drum.



play for me

... and i in you have

contentment

" you dance

to the beat

of your own drum."

You don't need to use this phrase. You have the right idea about it, but "beat of a different drummer" is a cliche and I don't feel you need to use it in this case.

your eyes ...
your words...
your actions...

what eyes?
what words?
what actions?

I say this - because it's your obligation as a poet to captivate us, and draw us in as you have been. We cannot experience your emotions this way - try not to tell us, but show us.

Poems of love are very tough nowadays - they are in need of some intense and vivid imagery to be successfully pulled off.

thank you both i will work on it and see what i come up with

The Burn

you, me

believing

the those words

you whispered

last night

undressing me with you eyes

i stood before naked

fully clothed

was it as good for you

as it was for me

intense i return the stare

eyes locked

do we dear to ignite the flame

you whispered my name

desire out of control

Extreme

the power of the heat

radiated

deep

extinguished the flame



how is this? does it hit some of the points? thanks again

hey, orange, clean up the extra words and misspellings and the readers will have a better time commenting on content.

do you mean to say that the heat extinguished the flame? usually heat does the opposite. but in a poem, your poem, your images get to do exactly what you want them to do, just be sure of what you intend.

peace,
mayo

[quote="mayo"] but in a poem, your poem, your images get to do exactly what you want them to do, just be sure of what you intend.

(i love what you said )

thanks mayo....a work in progress, i love the help....


it got so hot the only thing they could do was put out the flame.


The Burn

you, me

believing

those words

you whispered

last night

undressing me with you eyes

i stood before you naked

fully clothed

was it as good for you

as it was for me

intense i return the stare

eyes locked

do we dear to ignite the flame

you whispered my name

desire out of control

Extreme

the power of the heat

radiated

deep

extinguish the flame

"dear"...should that be "dare"?

thanks mayo i missed that one Karen


The Burn

you, me

believing

those words

you whispered

last night

undressing me with you eyes

i stood before you naked

fully clothed

was it as good for you

as it was for me

intense i return the stare

eyes locked

do we dare to ignite the flame

you whispered my name

desire out of control

Extreme

the power of the heat

radiated

deep

extinguish the flame