Suicidal Tendencies

Suicidal tendencies
that is what they said
she needs to be medicated
strap her to the bed
make sure it is tight
we can't have her getting out
but suicidal tendencies
is not what I'm about
I cut when i need to
when the stress is just too much
when my life is overwhelming
when I need that piercing touch
I cut so I can see the blood
rushing down my arm
I cut because I need to
Its not suicide, I self harm!!!
There are those of you who judge me
others that don't care
I don't mind what you think
you don't know my pain ur not here
Sometimes I need relief
that kind that cutting brings
I need to see the blood
but you don't get these things
So I never do it
which always makes it worse
cutting is an addiction
it's a need, it's a curse
Here's what I don't understand
if cutting helps my pain
who are you to say i can't
sit here and cut again?
Do you know what controls my mind
each and every day?
The kind of things I think about
the memories that seem to stay?
There's no one I can talk to
because I'm not in control
talking about it scares me
but with cutting i stay whole
I have never in my life
sat there and let it out
no one I can trust enough
even if they know what its about
I have never talked about details
the stuff that he has done
I know I probably never will
fuck it, he's already won
but cutting makes me feel good
just a slice or 2 or 3
because I control the cutting
the cutting doesn't control me!
When I choose to do it
it is the last resort
but someone always finds out
and gives a melodramatic retort
Like I really need to hear their mouth
on top of all my pain
added with my mental anguish
I'm bound to cut again...
so something for you to think about
the next time you see a slice
I'm not looking for your symapthy
or corny friggin advice
I just wanna be left alone
deal with in time
cuz what I do is not your choice
reality check: IT'S MINE!!!