User Info
Yesterday's Top
Donations
 GotPoetry is a community supported site.
Due Date:
May 31
May Goal:
180.00
Gross Amount:
0.00
PayPal Fees:
0.00
Net Balance:
0.00
Below Goal:
180.00
Site Currency:
USD
|
Poems - Keeping abreast of the seaside
| | Keeping abreast of the seasideby Liner
Stone upon stone, no hand could better flaunt,
And within the breach, salty waters jaunt,
A stare from steps, created by the ebb,
See I the threads of a stream,
A black widow’s spider web.
Skim a weathered stone upon the rising flow,
Wish to view a triple bounce, in early evening glow,
A pier, half burnt, a skeleton of rusting ferrous,
Strong men who laboured on her body,
Now bathe in sunless terrace.
Horizons, curved, not that my eyes would tell,
Floating city of Eastern goods, aboard, my job to sell,
Splish and splash, a Labrador with impressive years,
Shrugs the excess suds from his coat,
A meteorite of tears.
Time to bid farewell, return from whence we came,
Our local seaside, just like yours, is in the hall of fame,
Battered fish, with chips, we scuff from last week’s Sun,
My portion, on page 3, just adding to my
Fun!
Copyright © 2011 by David Philips- All rights reserved
| |
 
| "Keeping abreast of the seaside" | Login/Create an Account | 10 |
|
|
| The comments are owned by the poster. We aren't responsible for their content. |
 |
Re: Keeping abreast of the seaside
(Score: 1 )
by Essex68 on Wednesday, November 16, 2011 (19:24:50) |
I like this very much David. You captured those pictures of my youth down Southend on sea. and Clacton.. I can smell those fish and chips, and the sea air. Well done.
 |
Re: Keeping abreast of the seaside
(Score: 1 )
by Liner on Saturday, November 19, 2011 (13:58:30) |
Sorry mate I did not thank you for the comment! So, thank you, yes when we lived a the end of the Rotherhithe Tunnel (south side) Southend was a very frequent day out, I was a kid but I still remember the Golden Hinde replica, and the glass window where the axe swings back and forth, waiting to remove the head of the toothless sailor! (I think)! David
|
Re: Keeping abreast of the seaside
(Score: 1 )
by Essex68 on Sunday, November 20, 2011 (08:56:41) |
I think the last stanza is fine, It's a little tounge in cheek maybe from the rest of the imagery, But I like it. I supose it's down to personal opinion though. As I recall it was a pirate, or I might be confused with a similar attraction at Gt Yarmouth.. Have a good week mate.
 |
Re: Keeping abreast of the seaside
(Score: 1 )
by MoZark on Thursday, November 17, 2011 (10:27:42) |
The first three stanzas were enchanting, mesmerizing and just plain perfect but I was disappointed in your summation. For me it killed the mood and the expectation of a truly great poem. Please, revise the last stanza bring it in focus with the rest of your poem.
Just how I saw it. have a grand tomorrow…Jack
|
Re: Keeping abreast of the seaside
(Score: 1 )
by Liner on Thursday, November 17, 2011 (12:23:50) |
Hi Jack, I wrote this poem, and could not agree with you more, why then you might ask did I capitulate and go "cheap" for the last verse? Twofold, as you brought up the point, 1. Because I'm always so damn serious, with the odd funny chucked in for good measure, and 2. The more poetry I read on line the more despondent I become, with accolades lavished on shite whilst good poetry remains just browsed or unread, its not just Gotpoetry where this occurs.... so very often these days I lose the will to finish work when I see what's being posted, well I hope you get the picture, but you are correct and I will privately revise the last verse. david
 |
Re: Keeping abreast of the seaside
(Score: 1 )
by maryanns on Thursday, November 17, 2011 (13:48:43) |
From a seashore around the world I have to say, your memories I share... Sorry, couldn't help myself here, your visions so similar to mine, I felt I was also there, the rich aroma of fish 'n chips so strong.
Heh-heh, worry not about perfection, my friend....
I truly enjoyed your poem. Mary Ann
|
Re: Keeping abreast of the seaside
(Score: 1 )
by Liner on Thursday, November 17, 2011 (16:56:47) |
Thanks Mary Ann, I don't really worry too much about perfection, I do honestly find this more a great release and a very relaxing way to express myself, a view I guess shared by other posters to this and other sites. Not sure if you know about Page 3 in the Sun, (a Murdoch tabloid here), it produces a topless female everyday and is now a sexist institution, hated and loved in about equal quantity. thx again, david
|
Re: Keeping abreast of the seaside
(Score: 1 )
by maryanns on Thursday, November 17, 2011 (17:17:43) |
Me too, "great release and very relaxing..." I've wandered away from gp and back again over the past six months. Digging through the mass to find gold has indeed become a chore. Thanks for the scoop on Page 3, I even tried clicking on the tag, ha-ha. Not exactly my cuppa tea! 
 |
Re: Keeping abreast of the seaside
(Score: 1 )
by Ozymandias on Friday, November 18, 2011 (05:00:10) |
I do think the last stanza spoils what is otherwise an excellent write with very vivid imagery and the real feel of the beach environment.
|
Re: Keeping abreast of the seaside
(Score: 1 )
by Liner on Friday, November 18, 2011 (07:11:09) |
Well I guess I should re-write the last stanza, although I do feel it adds to the fun of the seaside. Thx for the comment, david
Added on: 16-Nov-2011 | Hits: 265 |
 |
01: Ozymandias
- Use an RSS reader to stay up to date with the latest news and posts from GotPoetry.
You can syndicate other parts of our site using the following files:
