Birds Flock At Night

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serene and visual...
love it!
D.

Thats beautiful

wow! Wow! Wow!
For me its heavenly. It reminds me of my past days when I was in village. All the birds in the red and golden sky flying on their on. I think I am going to write about my past hours in village!!!

Reading this made my heart ache with beauty ! A wonderful write it reminded me of a flock of corellas I saw flying over my head in unison the other day when I went for a walk , It was such a lovely sight to see , really liked the line " their wings of love enclose each other so very tight
as they lay eggs of sweet devotion " and I see by the above comment you have inspired someone else to write : ) you do tend to have that effect on people ~ awesome write

well timed visual construction that stirs emotion...neat write.

Wonderfully constructed poem. Really nice visuals, and it moved me.

there is comfort in this

There are some lovely phrases, but it's spoiled by grammatical errors, e.g. "the serene", "between" (between what and what?), "among the golden habitat". More attention to such details would allow this to be a very good poem.

Re: Birds Flock At Night (Score: 1 ) by starstruck13 on Friday, March 30, 2012 (22:07:56)

thank you for your comment but am not sure as to what you are saying


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Re: Birds Flock At Night (Score: 1 ) by Ozymandias on Friday, March 30, 2012 (22:18:00)

"The serene" is wrong because "serene" is an adjective. Should be "the serenity". "Between" is a 2-place preposition: you can't be between something, only between something and something else, so the sentence as you have it does not make sense. As for "among", you can't be among one thing, you can only be among several things, so "habitat" needs to be "habitats".


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Re: Birds Flock At Night (Score: 1 ) by starstruck13 on Saturday, March 31, 2012 (11:19:43)

ok now i see what you are saying thank you i didnt notice all that wwhen i wrote it lol


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Re: Birds Flock At Night (Score: 1 ) by doris on Saturday, March 31, 2012 (11:44:11)

Easily fixed, starstruck13. Change "serene" to" serenity". Replace "between" with "within" and leave out "among" and keep "habitat".

There is something so peaceful about this poem. Very beautiful. I'm glad that you have shared it here for all of us to read!


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Re: Birds Flock At Night (Score: 1 ) by starstruck13 on Sunday, April 01, 2012 (11:46:27)

thank you doris i might just rewrite it all and put it in as a new post


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I wholeheartedly agree with the above comments. There is a peace that pervades this poem, like those quiet moments just before dawn. The edit ideas are great advice too, they will really polish the piece!