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Poems - You're Ailing Me

You're Ailing Me

by Justinpdrew

Girl, you give me so much bullshit
I could fertilize a garden with your words.

I know now what I am to you:
A distraction on lonely nights,
A soft voice from another time.
It comforts you, reassures you
That no matter what, you're accepted
And that's all you ever wanted.

But when he's around he does that too
And I find myself ignored, lonely,
Put back on the shelf and forgotten.
There I stay until he drifts again
And you return to your second home.

You step through the door, drop your bags,
And stick your nose up if I ask where you've been.
Like I'm supposed to keep waiting for you.
Like I'm supposed to forgive you your confusion.

And like a child I fall for your words
So soft and sticky sweet, like candy.
They taste so good when I hear them
But I always wake up in pain.

Well, any disease is curable
If you act on it soon enough.
And lately the memory of you
Feels like a tumor on my soul.

I've spent these past few days
Steaming and stewing,
Boiling like a pot of water,
Waiting for someone to lift my lid
So I can let this tension out.

This frustration piles up,
This heartbreak builds like interest
The longer I hold it in
The more upset I get.

I wish hating you was the key
Because I'd be well on my way.
If cursing your name was the answer
Then I'd be over you three times over.

But somewhere deep within me
I know those words are eventually coming back
And a part of me holds on to you
Like a survivor of a ship in a wreck.
That tattered piece of your broken promises
Is what I'm clinging to.

So I ask you, if any part of you loves me
Then please, start hating me quick.
Avoid me like an omen, push me away.
(You're off to a good start already.)

Because when your words come back
My heart can't help but open up,
Aching for another taste of your candy.
Their sweetness is too great a temptation
For my love-starved soul.

Keep your distance from me.

Even if you think you'll stay this time
I know deep down you're still confused.
You've got a very serious disease
And you share it with everyone who loves you.

You rationalize it, dismiss it, ignore it,
You convince yourself it's just a passing phase.
You say you don't need help, but darling,
Any disease can be fatal
If you hesitate long enough.

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