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by MissCJMonroe


I can feel you there
And I know that feeling is your profession
What you’re good for
Just to live inside my chest
And ache

You intensify every worry
Paranoia is your best friend
How long do you plan to stay this time?
How long until the end?

Is your point to eat me away
from the inside?
To mutilate the better parts
Of what once flourished
Inside my soul?

You ruin everything.
Every party
Every happy moment
Every streak of confidence
You creep in,
Like translucent fingers of smoke
Wrapping yourself around whatever you please
Tightening the ever present belt around my chest

You are the tinge on once bright, white linens
The sludge produced by snow and shit
You are a blood stain on a wedding dress
You take all that is innocent and pure and spoil it
Your work never done till you’ve rotted it

How can I fight your wickedness on my own?
So I turn to your sleep-inducing kryptonite
Lorazepam becoming my pathetic knight in shining armor
Its not what I want to feel, but anything is better than you

And still you lurk below the numbness
Waiting for my return
Will this battle with you
Not end until one of us is named the victor?
Surely it has become evident
That we cannot live in here together, you and I

One of us must force the other out
Either me out of my pain
Or you out of your glory

Note: This poem needs serious help. I just had no idea how to end it. any thoughts?

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Re: DEAR ANXIETY (Score: 1 )
by Craigd741 on Saturday, November 07, 2009 (11:02:55)
My favourite lines are:

"Like translucent fingers of smoke
Wrapping yourself around whatever you please
Tightening the ever present belt around my chest"

I can really imagine this, great imagery. It's a brilliant poem overall, one of my favourites here.

| Parent

Re: DEAR ANXIETY (Score: 1 )
by Unbound on Saturday, November 07, 2009 (11:31:04)
Very nice... enjoyed it

| Parent

Re: DEAR ANXIETY (Score: 1 )
by Tink on Saturday, November 07, 2009 (17:36:50)
....Why do you think this needs serious help? Of course I am a novice, I don't know much, all I know is that this poem discribes a condition many are afflicted by, with such intensity and valor !

To me it is very well done , thank you for sharing.

Tink Smile

| Parent
    Re: DEAR ANXIETY (Score: 1 )
    by MissCJMonroe on Saturday, November 07, 2009 (18:18:21)
    I appreciate the time you took to give me such a wonderful critique as well as your kind words! I suppose when writing i just felt lost in the middle and had no idea how to conclude. In actuality, I never did conclude, I just stopped writing it. I suppose this is actually how anxiety works, jumbling and confusing and the ending lines are blurred, but i still think this poem starts to lack power towards the end.

    | Parent

Re: DEAR ANXIETY (Score: 1 )
by MissCJMonroe on Saturday, November 07, 2009 (18:19:25)
It's funny that the ad above this poem right now says "anxiety? Panic attacks?" and the name of a calming drug.

| Parent
    Re: DEAR ANXIETY (Score: 1 )
    by Tink on Saturday, November 07, 2009 (18:25:29)
    Irony !

    I jusdged your poem byt the way it made me feel and how well I could relate. You are so much closer to it and I often feel the same about my pieces Smile

    | Parent

Re: DEAR ANXIETY (Score: 1 )
by Tiku on Sunday, November 08, 2009 (12:29:50)
well done.nicely written.

| Parent

Re: DEAR ANXIETY (Score: 1 )
by nerdgirl on Sunday, November 08, 2009 (18:20:13)
I dont see why you think this poem needs help. This imagery is great, the poem is very well written and the emotion is awesome. This poem is brilliant. You did a very good job here, be proud!

| Parent
    Re: DEAR ANXIETY (Score: 1 )
    by MissCJMonroe on Sunday, November 08, 2009 (19:02:39)
    Thank you very much! Your feedback has really built my confidence in this piece, it's just that I'm so unsatisfied with the ending

    | Parent

Re: DEAR ANXIETY (Score: 1 )
by spence on Monday, November 30, 2009 (10:43:12)
I tend to agree with other reviewers that this poem does not need 'serious' help and i think the end is fine...though if you're still looking for ideas all I can offer a forced rhyme that occured to me; something along the lines of being 'left alone to live your own unhindered story'. I think it works just fine as it is though.
Many suffer from anxiety nowadays- it's gradually becoming a cultural 'norm' due to the constant pressure on westerners to strive, achieve and survive in a deadline and headline setting world. It's bad enough that we've been taught to stand on each other to get up a rung on the ladder of life, but to feel so wholly inadequate in the face of hand picked celebrity must be pure anguish. I feel exempt from this as I have no social ettiquette or desire for social status and don't give a shit about appearances, deadlines or I smoke a lot of weed which has diminished my sense of citizenship in a world ruled by lunatics!
Seriously though... I like this poem a lot, maybe you shouldn't be so self critical as you have an obvious talent with words, take care, spence

| Parent

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