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Poems - orphan

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orphan

by omegapaf

my mam died today
not much more i can say
on the hospital wall, a painting of white shores
the swish swoosh of automatic doors

thought i'd be angry, but i'm uncannily calm
now that she is free from harm
sometimes death can be savage, but can also be a soothing balm
.............................................................i just want to go home

i'm resigning from work and going to bed
maybe for a very long time
just make sure my hound is fed
i'm a living ghost in the land of the dead
dissolving my soul in quick lime

i can still smell that hospital smell
and hear what doctors did tell
cedars in the hospital garden are tall and green.
but one is old, with broken limbs
the light around it's branches dims

the glass has fallen out of my watch. literally, and metaphorically
statue of an owl facing east celebrating pagan idolatry

her tea cup by the kettle makes me cry again
at funerals it should always rain.

( written in the waiting room of the hospitals resuscitation department )





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Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
by butterflyzrfree on Thursday, December 09, 2010 (20:46:58)
Overwhelmingly sad. I am too sad to comment. Except to say , well, I will say it later, I will try to be with you, emotionally if not physically.

| Parent
    Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
    by omegapaf on Thursday, December 09, 2010 (20:58:57)
    thank you snuggles. i'm afraid i'm going to be all clingy, and needy over the next few days - sad pauly and shaky pup.

    | Parent

Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
by wordsmithwannabe on Thursday, December 09, 2010 (22:04:06)
oh my sweet friend, i don't know what to type right now. sorry seems so...not right. i haven't pm'ed you in quite some time, my sincerest apologies. i wish i knew what to say to you, to let you know you are cared for and truly loved...hugs and such for paul and pup - your friend chris

| Parent
    Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
    by omegapaf on Thursday, December 09, 2010 (22:17:07)
    thanks so much chris. one day i'll get some sleep.....but not today - taking the ring to mordor - paul.

    | Parent
      Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
      by wordsmithwannabe on Thursday, December 09, 2010 (22:23:46)
      well it'd be foolish of me to say that i know what you're going through. i don't. all i know is that you've been a wonderful friend to me, i hope i can repay the favor. we all need someone to lean on at some point

      "why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden when my back is sturdy and strong - trouble me..." 10,000 maniacs

      | Parent
        Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
        by omegapaf on Thursday, December 09, 2010 (22:54:04)
        thanks chris. i appreciate it. i'm sure i'll be doing some leaning, as i feel like i'm going a little crazy at the moment. even though i've changed my clothes twice, and had a shower, i can't get that hospital smell out of my head - 11 thousand maniacs - paul.

        | Parent

Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
by maryanns on Thursday, December 09, 2010 (22:32:04)
I'm so sorry, my dear friend - as you said so well in your poem, she is free from harm (and free from pain). I know there will be difficult times ahead but I know you'll be strong for her and also for Jessica. Bless Martin and your other friends who will step up. Rest in peace, Pauls mam. Sincerely with hugs, Mary Ann

| Parent
    Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
    by omegapaf on Thursday, December 09, 2010 (22:48:16)
    thanks mary ann. even with two jumpers on, and the fire on full i still feel cold tonight. martin is acting as a buffer between me, and all the people i'm going to lose my temper with over the next few days - your blue brother - paul.

    | Parent

Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
by deadalchemist on Friday, December 10, 2010 (15:58:31)
I'm so sorry Paul, but I will be here for you the best that i can

| Parent
    Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
    by omegapaf on Friday, December 10, 2010 (22:30:43)
    thanks princess. i appreciated all your messages today. i wish you were handling the funeral. we look after each other pretty good don't we stef? - paul the sad puppy.

    | Parent

Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
by badmalthus on Friday, December 10, 2010 (22:16:12)
I just sent you an email before reading this poignant poem Paul...I'm so sorry for your loss my friend...a beautiful piece of poetry for a terrible time.
Take care mate...Harry

| Parent
    Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
    by omegapaf on Friday, December 10, 2010 (22:41:33)
    thanks harry. i just sent you an e-mail back explaining what happened in more detail. walking, or more accurately stumbling around in a drunken haze at the moment. but my mates are walking me through it - paul.

    | Parent

Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
by radical_love on Saturday, December 11, 2010 (00:04:02)
to the best pauly in the whole wide world....
you made me cry again! Im sorry for being such an arse.
Finally went searching for this, thought you'd write a piece for your mam....Yea tea cups.........some things get that way.....
Paulicus, i hope you find peace in sleep and hope in waking....there is still hope left paul, maybe not much- but some.
orphaned by blood maybe, not orphaned by friends though.
never orphaned by friends, your too lovely.
im sorry...
how comes sorry is just not enough???
don't stay reticent for too long paulus arthur smith-
mil the sad

| Parent
    Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
    by omegapaf on Saturday, December 11, 2010 (00:45:45)
    aaaawww my favourite millie betty robinski in the whole world. sorry for the short cryptic e-mail doc. it was all i could write between the tears and vodka.
    stay in touch mil. i need your millieisms like holmes needs his watson - paulie von vodka.

    | Parent

Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
by StormySapphireSky on Saturday, December 11, 2010 (10:56:16)
Silently respectful..........

| Parent
    Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
    by omegapaf on Saturday, December 11, 2010 (11:08:22)
    thanks gina. welcome to gotpoetry - love and peace - paul.

    | Parent

Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
by Islandgrrl on Tuesday, December 14, 2010 (19:57:59)
Losing someone special
is a terrible thing to bear.
It's the kind of shock for which we
simply cannot prepare.
One moment
we are smiling
And the next is filled with tears,
and losing one we love
does not get easier with years.
But please remember you have friends
to help you ease your way,
Who share your loss
and
care for you
Far more than words can say.

Hugs WASL
Jenni

| Parent
    Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
    by omegapaf on Wednesday, December 15, 2010 (02:15:28)
    thank you sis. more tough times. to quote paul newman in the film " cool hand luke ", " i started out pretty hard, and fast.......but it's begining to get to me " - we're on a road to nowhere - paul.

    | Parent

Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
by Dreaming-Demon on Friday, December 17, 2010 (14:35:54)
I'm sorry for the loss my friend...very sad stuff...my grandmother passed recently so i understand to an extent, i never saw my mom really cry before until that day....i hope you are holding up okay...take care my friend

| Parent
    Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
    by omegapaf on Friday, December 17, 2010 (15:16:03)
    thanks ray. i'm sorry about your grandmother. though i have relatives, they are of no help whatsoever, and i'm the last of the family line. my friends are stopping me from hiding under blankets, and crossing roads without looking for traffic. give your mom a hug from me mate. you never know how long you've got - paul.

    | Parent

Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
by spence on Friday, December 17, 2010 (14:39:40)
I'm really sorry to hear of your loss mate and sorrier still that i didn't see this at the time- gizza message if you need owt, spence

| Parent
    Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
    by omegapaf on Friday, December 17, 2010 (15:35:12)
    thanks lee. i'll get back to you. still dealing with people i don't want to deal with, calling me by my first name, then presenting me with a bill. and people from the church talking to me like i've suddenly become stupid, just because my mam's died - i wish it was summer....... it's always harder to hide under a blankie when it's summer - paul.

    | Parent

Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
by greygrynn on Wednesday, December 29, 2010 (10:57:04)
please heal soon - Great piece

| Parent
    Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
    by omegapaf on Wednesday, December 29, 2010 (12:26:27)
    thanks for commenting mate- getting there......getting there - paul.

    | Parent

Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
by liarbird on Friday, February 04, 2011 (23:54:30)
G'day Paul...
I know it was a terrible time Paul. Now it's the memories that count, and that's why mum will always be close by.
Lindsay

| Parent
    Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
    by omegapaf on Saturday, February 05, 2011 (20:13:24)
    thanks lindsay. a few grains of dust live in the bones, and minds of those who live after us - your mate - paul.

    | Parent

Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
by cmiamigal on Tuesday, October 11, 2011 (19:54:22)
Wow, I'm greatly sorry for your loss Paul. I'm glad you had the courage to write your thoughts on paper. As you say she's free from harm. I can relate to the loss and "hospital smells". I lost both of my grandparents in a 16 month time frame, and it seems as though they were living, but not living their life wholefully. Sometimes your loved ones have been suffering for so long, that only for them to be free of it, is to leave this lifetime. Though your mother isn't here, she's lives within you.
You're a great friend Paul, and I'd like for you to keep faith.

-Christie

| Parent
    Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
    by omegapaf on Wednesday, August 15, 2012 (14:55:24)
    sorry for the delay christie. i didn't spot this comment.
    i have faith in certain things christie....mostly 60's music.
    sorry about your grandparents my friend.
    " i feel the winter too
    i am an honest man " - wonderland - big country.
    " sons of men who stand like gods.....we give life to feed the cause " - big country.
    - paul and sniffy.

    | Parent
      Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
      by cmiamigal on Wednesday, August 15, 2012 (15:29:51)
      Its cool. 60's music...if it can get you out of funk, then go for it!
      I believe that music is medicine for the heart. Very Happy
      But Paul, you're a strong, honest, and brilliant man, and the GP World hurts when one of our poets are; through time you'll heal. Very Happy

      | Parent
        Re: orphan (Score: 1 )
        by omegapaf on Tuesday, August 21, 2012 (20:59:12)
        music is medicine for the heart....the soul too. keep singing kid.
        " everybody hurts sometimes " - R.E.M.

        | Parent


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