http://gotpoetry.com/Forums.html Gotpoetry - News for poets. Place to write. en-us Wed, 23 Jul 2008 17:55:24 GMT 1440 CPG-Nuke Dragonfly GotPoetry.com Forums http://backend.userland.com/rss http://gotpoetry.com/images/autoheader/logo-slogan.gif http://gotpoetry.com/ http://gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=124554.html#124554 A wink, a smile, a sultry glance Thoughts are crossing his mind can I get in her pants Share a funny story and have a laugh or two She thinks wow he's hot I wonder if is he's into you Dreams running wild in multiple sexy directions Need some quite time to fix that erection Their desires melt into a lusty attraction Male- female human reaction He tosses the thought of us in the air It lands in my lap like a solar flare Can't waste a second, this is the moment of truth The car was kinda crowded, like a voting booth We have tread the water and got our feet a little wet The best encounters have not even happened yet Stolen moments and the magic of my dreams Makes my heart travel to such extremes Where will this journey take us, will the feelings disappear I wish I had the answers, check back next leap year Wed, 23 Jul 2008 17:55:24 GMT http://gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=124552.html#124552 lordfuznut, anna9, and loisseau- thanks for the comments! anna9- I liked your line breaks, especially in the third and fourth line- the "I" suspends so nicely between these lines. Thank you. lordfuznut- you're right. My friend was tired of poets using nature imagery when most of their experience was urban. Thank you for the encouragement! loisseau- I've struggled with this narrative a bit. I wanted to transpose some surreal elements onto the concrete images. In fact, this poem was first written as a dream sequence. I'd be grateful for any advice you'd have on how to meld these two opposing concepts. As for the second stanza, I wanted to give the impression that the speaker was displaying their memories of their loved one, just like a person would sell wares on a street corner. I wanted this piece to serve as an alternative to a traditional eulogy. Poets- please help me accomplish this. Wed, 23 Jul 2008 17:38:55 GMT http://gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=124550.html#124550 obsession, compulsion; regrets & revulsion two drops of this potion; each one made the ocean Wed, 23 Jul 2008 17:22:01 GMT http://gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=124545.html#124545 we're still kind of coming out of the fog. shannon made friends everywhere. i'm sure she will be commemorated at the national poetry slam in a couple of weeks. if i may share, from my myspace blog... A Year In the Life I met Shannon Leigh at the 2007 Rustbelt Regional Poetry Slam in Columbus, OH where her Atlanta-Art Amok slam team was competing with the Midwest's finest poets. I quickly became a buddy of the Art Amok poets including Shannon, Karen G and Theresa Davis, when later that summer my Palatine, IL team, Dallas-Poetry Grind and the Atlanta kids camped in Eric Breland's living room the weekend of the Dallas Invitational slam. After finishing in the top 3 of individual competition at the National Poetry Slam, you are naturally wanted at all of the country's spoken word events. Shannon came to Chicago Halloween week and featured for PolyRhythmic and the Palatine Slam. Somebody ask Andi Kauth and Dennis Florrine about trick-or-treating with her in the north suburbs! She stayed with my best friend and future fiancée, Candyce, helping solidify the foundation of a sure friendship. Moreover, it gave me a front row seat to see this young artist & adventurer develop as a person and watching this old soul fit into brand new days. If you see my bio, you'll note that one of my bragging points is being one of a group of poet pals- that I've become a big fan of- crisscrossing America burning up stages during the same 6-month period. These performers include Jon Sands, JW Baz, Danny Sherrard and Shannon. This year, while in Detroit for the first Women Of the World Poetry Slam, tornados ravaged the Atlanta area. Karen and Theresa were in the 'D" while Shannon was back in Georgia. I swapped text messages with them all, making sure that their peoples were OK. I talked to Shannon the next day and told her to "duck!" It was great to hear her voice not on a CD or website. I last saw Shannon on May 3rd in Decatur, GA when I featured for Art Amok. I was really looking forward to her return to Nats and seeing the chemistry of an Art Amok team with veteran, championship and new blood. Shannon said she wasn't going to make it to Rustbelt because of work and school. I told her to knock it out and see her in Madison in August. I heard about the accident from Karen on Father's Day, a year to the weekend that I met Shannon in Columbus. I knew her enough to know that she had a lot of fight in her. Candy and I stayed in regular contact with Karen - not like we weren't, but more than a few text messages- and the internet updates of the kid's condition. When I saw Karen's name on my call phone Monday, you could not have told me that she wasn't calling to say that Shannon regained consciousness. Ultimately, it was heartbreak on the other end. My young friend, my homegirl, must have decided that adventure on the other side was greater than the fight here. I hope that upon her departure she realizes how she touched people, more than as a writer and performer, but as a young woman. Shannon Leigh Lewis- Poet, MC, instrumentalist, adventurer, friend. Jah rest your soul. Wed, 23 Jul 2008 16:37:40 GMT http://gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=124542.html#124542 Thanks people- ! Wed, 23 Jul 2008 15:21:24 GMT http://gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=124537.html#124537 Thanks, Jesse, Charity and Ann, for the positive comments on this sensual little love poem. Ann, if the poem gives multiple interpretations, then the piece is richer for it. L. Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:11:50 GMT http://gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=124536.html#124536 I really liked this! I do think that it would be better without the redundancy in the title and the first line, i.e. "small tiny" and "large large". Are you trying to say the rainbow is insignificant? If so, there are many perfectly brilliant terms to use, including miniscule, puny, or trifling. Other than that, I think it's perfect! Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:37:34 GMT http://gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=124535.html#124535 Don't worry about it - It's here more as a journal note to self, while I work on others things. Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:14:27 GMT http://gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=124528.html#124528 I think the title is fine . And introduces the idea into the words of the poem . Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:31:55 GMT http://gotpoetry.com/Forums/viewtopic/p=124525.html#124525 I want to say this Treagal , each time it is a different poem . I liked the second last one , and then the first one . In the last poem , you speak of two different cages in the second stanza - one white padded , and one a iron cage , yet you left the white padded , undescribed . Why is this so ? Also , when you speak , you seem to hint about the slowing down of thought processes is more self created , like by drug abuse perhaps ? It was the stasis word that directed my thoughts to self neglect and stagnation due to drug abuse . I do find the idea where the light goes to the coil , and so a dim bulb as simply superb , pity you did not retain it . Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:23:04 GMT