This is as I am

I don't know if I can speak or say
those three potent words that we all may,
but the feelings are true and spoken not.
For these same words seem to tear me apart.
I know joy and pleasure can be much more,
if only I knew how to endure,
the good with the bad or pleasure with pain.
But to decipher the difference just drives me insane.
Sometimes confusion has a part in this play.
Doubt has a roll that usually stays.
The doubt is not, of what you say,
but from whether you truly feel that way.
So for now we are friends and friends we'll be,
sharing intimate thoughts that no one else sees.
Slowly building this bond and tearing walls down,
that were built from previous women, who ran me aground.