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Forums > > Poetry Workshops > > Post a Poem > > The Givers and The Takers (a.k.a. Soul Suckers)
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The Givers and The Takers (a.k.a. Soul Suckers)


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MissCJMonroe
I might even come back next week!


I might even come back next week!



Joined: Nov 02, 2009
Posts: 16
Credits: 0
Location: Wickford, Rhode Island

PostPosted: Mon Nov 9 16:46:44 EST 2009    Post subject: The Givers and The Takers (a.k.a. Soul Suckers) Reply with quote

I extend a hand to save
To put pressure on the gushing wounds
Of the fallen soldiers around me
The agonizing cries of need bring me to my knees and
Eyes closed (as they have always been)
I crawl across the battlefield

Desperate grips of wounded souls aggressively grab at me
Slow me down
Rip my clothes
Pull my hair
Tear my skin
Steal my breath
I bear the beating, my heart still bleeding
I cry out "I ONLY WANT TO HELP YOU"
And with this they laugh and tighten their grip around my throat

While gasping for air I realize
That the dying are already resigned to being dead
Despite their convincing pleas, all they desire is to pull you down amongst them
And watch the warm, fresh blood
That flushes your cheeks with hope and life
Soak into the grass
To watch your soul turn as black as theirs

I lie now, bleeding out
My eyes never so wide open
Waiting for the lights to dim
For the music to fade

I stare at the corpse beside me
Content in his discontentment
Studying me with interest
Turning his head in intrigue
Wondering how long it will take my pink, freckled skin to match his gray

My eyelids feeling heavy
I fight for a few more seconds
For one more sight of my world
I look to the sky, the very same sky I've always looked to
And remember...

I'm alive.
It hits me all at once, with the rush of a starting shot
I jump to my feet
The blood i've lost trailing up with me and running back into my veins
The breath i've lost inflating my lungs

And I run
Without once glance back at those
Content in their Dicontentment

From the poetry section, read the original here: Original Poem
Karma: 38.10

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JPerry1980
Has written an Occasional poem or two.


Has written an Occasional poem or two.
second winner/ekphrastic poetry contestStaff Picks/January 2010Staff Picks/September/ 2010Staff Picks/June 2012Staff Picks/May 2013Staff Picks/August 2013Eat Chicken!


Joined: Dec 18, 2008
Posts: 605
Credits: 4
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee, U.S.A.

PostPosted: Mon Nov 9 21:16:53 EST 2009    Post subject: Re: The Givers and The Takers (a.k.a. Soul Suckers) Reply with quote

C.J.:

This is a great poem, amazing imagery and passion, absolutey loved it. I'll leave more feedback in the finished poems section where you have it posted.

But, WOAH, on your avatar! I check GP at work some, and needless to say if this page is monitored with that pic I might get get a call on it. It's a classy picture and while I don't find it offensive at all personally, I think it's still a bit much for a poetry web-site where any age group could come across that or very much accidentally come across that while checking it at work somewhere?

By the way, is that Rita Hayworth?

-- j.

_________________
"A page of good prose remains invincible." -- John Cheever

"And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so? I did. And what did you want? To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth.‎" -- Raymond Carver
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MissCJMonroe
I might even come back next week!


I might even come back next week!



Joined: Nov 02, 2009
Posts: 16
Credits: 0
Location: Wickford, Rhode Island

PostPosted: Mon Nov 9 23:28:34 EST 2009    Post subject: Re: The Givers and The Takers (a.k.a. Soul Suckers) Reply with quote

Thank you for your feedback.

As far as the avatar, I realize that you are right. I did not even think about that. I have changed it to dali piece.

The model is Olive Thomas (the orginal flapper) by Alberto Vargas. She's a peach, huh?
Thanks again, i "exalted" you for your time!
Karma: 38.10

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