Drift

For ten years we thought it would be forever
you were the only one who could touch me
and it didn't hurt
if I was a girl it might have stayed that way
if I was normal
or if only you weren't
you loved me so much
you said you couldn't live without me
you cried rivers for me
why was your love not enough to try to keep me
why was it not enough to change your mind
I tried so hard to make it easy
to make myself digestible to you
but no matter how many times you grasped my sleeves
how many times you sobbed
"I will never let you go"

I will always find myself standing in a corner
watching you dance with someone else
someone your parents would approve of
even if he never cared for you

I will always be standing by the wall
waiting for you to come back
and you would
and I would pretend nothing ever happened
and then you would do it again
and again

And every single time
you'd tell me how much you loved me
more than anyone in the world
that nothing would ever change that
and every single time
I believed you

Why was I not enough
why did you care what others thought
why, despite all of our love
you could never be seen dancing with me

Loving you was torture

So I had to slip away
when you weren't looking
you will never see me cry for you
but it was an ocean