Analysis of Effective Substance

Ladies and gentlemen.
Finally we have come to our last debate.
Between two candidates.
With different points of view.

Tonight the question is:
THE EFFECTIVENESS OF SUBSTANCE.
VERSUS OBTAINED POPULARITY!

Candidate number one?
If you were elected to office...
How effective would you be as a leader.

'First of all,
I am running for office to represent all people.
Their needs long to go neglected.
And I can assure them I come qualified,
To put my words into immediate action.'

Candidate number two?
Same question.
What is your response?

'This I do know as a fact.
After having this experience,
A countless number of times.
I had this doorbell that only said,
DING...DONG.
It did not ring.
Just DING...DONG.
So I replaced it.
For this brass knocker.
Then trained my Pitbull to bark.
Chased away whoever it was at the door.'

Candidate number two?
Just how does that represent,
The needs of all people?

'I remember as a child growing up,
A DING...DONG if allowed...
To stay around too long?
Can turn what to believe is normal,
Into a headache.
Until one goes to a pet store.
And ask which dog is more popular,
To prevent anyone from rushing to the door...
Interrupting their business.
If you know what I'm saying!
And business to finish it,
Is my main priority to get it done.
I want to make it perfectly clear,
This 'erection' is for the people!'

Uh...candidate number one?
Your response?
Candidate number one?
Keep in mind,
This debate is serious.
Uncontrollable laughing is not permitted!

'I...I can't breathe.
Did you hear what he said?
LOL...
Someone help me off the floor.
I'm trying my best.
But...LOL...I can't stop laughing.
Did he mean...'election?'

Stop!
This debate can not continue.
Especially if one candidate,
Can't take the other seriously.
And...
It is difficult for the viewers to tell,
Which one of you...
Is in a better position to pick,
To represent their interests.
Effectively!
And...
With identifiable to recognize substance.

Ladies and gentlemen?
We will end this debate,
With a choice you will make.
And hopefully your decision,
Does not conflict to leave any of you feeling...
Disappointed.
Those wiping tears from their eyes.
Understandably.
These decisions are tough to make these days.

Remember...
Is it substance you want?
Or popularity that keeps you laughing!
Choose wisely.
That choice to make is yours.

And...
It should be clear to all of you,
Who that candidate ought to be.
The one who laughed hysterically?
Needing to be helped off the stage.
Or...
The one,
Now wearing...
As if magically to appear in it.
A very nice silk smoking jacket.
To then light a pipe.
Giving the aroma of Cherry scented tobacco.
As if satisfied he arrived to this debate,
After taking care of uninterrupted business.
With a confidence that glows of pride.
The pride...
I must say,
Is much like that of a Chesire cat.

Oh...
Yes.
And before anyone leaves the auditorium,
Tonight.
Let us together,
Bow our heads in prayer!