The Other Side of Addiction

I can’t sit here to watch you slowly fade away into someone I don’t recognize. I pulled all the hope I had out of my bones, I believed it was worth fighting for. I believed your empty filled promises and got swept away by lies just to be disappointed, to be not important enough for you to hold up your word.
I won’t build a life with someone who isn’t even living, I won’t take blame for the choices you make and I can be the villain in your story because we both know the truth.
You can make me feel like a pile of shit for not wanting this life, you can shoot your hateful words in my direction but at this point I am becoming bullet proof.
My expectations were far to much for this to work and I will take the blame in that and I vowed for worse but you can’t even bother to try.
My favorite was my 8 pack doesn’t affect you, and I knew right then all hope I had just died and the tears burned my eyes and I don’t think it was from sadness but more of disappointment in myself for believing you.  You don’t understand it and tell me I don’t understand you and so I guess we don’t understand each other and that hurts too.
So while I pull all my strength I have left out of every part of my being for my kids I can’t pull anymore out for you, for us.
The reality is that you’ve been killing our marriage that was likely doomed from the start and I only have myself to blame because I knew how you were but I’ve seen your greatness and accepted your broken pieces but truth is, it’s always been one sided because I’ve been your back bone holding you up and you couldn’t even bother trying to stand
You’ve taught me that I can pour all I have into someone but that doesn’t mean you are worth enough to be given the same. And I will be damned if I shall allow you to make me feel less than enough.
So you run and tell the world how awful I am and I’ll focus on becoming whole again, you don’t get to be the villain in my story but you get to be a chapter that I get to close so the story can move on.